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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28873218">Problems</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemlocktee/pseuds/hemlocktee'>hemlocktee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dazed Addiction [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Breakup, Drinking, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Partying, Smoking, bruh i dont have any other tags, but like happy, club, dream has some major anger issues wtf, dream is gonna get fucked up bro haha, drugs and alcohol, help what do i put, its gonna be funny in serious moments, lmao this is gonna hurt me so bad, ooh stoner dream, problems-DeathbyRomy, relationship goes to shit lmao, shit hurts, slow burn ig, theyre gonna get all sad then not &lt;3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:55:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28873218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemlocktee/pseuds/hemlocktee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexis | Quackity &amp; Karl Jacobs &amp; Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity &amp; Sapnap, Clay | Dream &amp; GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs &amp; Sapnap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dazed Addiction [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2152134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>The heat crept up Clay’s back, slowly registering in his mind as the tall man slept. He easily woke up from the puddles of sweat forming on his back, it’s not like he was dreaming or anything. Clay never had dreams anymore, that’s how he thought of his name. He missed having them, so he figured he would name himself after them. Clay also missed playing Minecraft all the time. He was fond of the game considering it would bring back memories from when his friends would come over and they would play on his Xbox for hours during the summer.</p><p> </p><p>He missed the feeling of having no responsibilities and just having fun, genuine smiles, no worries about dating or bills, just being a kid. Clay was happy that he had the success that he had, and for all of his friends that he met along his journey. He couldn’t imagine his life without them, especially George and Sapnap. They had been with him from the very beginning of everything, so that means that they all grew together.</p><p> </p><p>With growing, your feelings change.</p><p> </p><p>Clay always thought that whenever his friends in high school would joke around about girls and how they would talk about them was weird. Clay never truly thought of a girl that way, he always thought of them as really good friends. That’s probably why he’s never gotten laid, if he was going to be completely honest. Clay could stay in bed all day and think about the days behind him, he could think of how much he’s changed, how much he’s figured out, how much he has grown ever since he moved and bought Minecraft again. But that’s isn’t what he had planned for today, so he pushed his thoughts aside and sat up. Clay stared at the same wall he would zone out on almost every day, and he would only be snapped back to reality when patches would come and nudge her head into his back or arm. This morning patches hadn’t gotten up like usual, she had slept in, leaving Clay to stare at the wall for another thirty minutes before realizing he was awake. “Shit, what time is it.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay’s voice was raspy, his mind was fogged by sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The warm man reached over to the wooden nightstand next to his bed and unplugged his phone, feeling it vibrate as his fingers curled around the edges. Clay felt his fingertip along the side of his phone, finally finding a button and pressing it. His screen gleamed dimly in the large room, the plain wallpaper not emitting much light. Towards the top of the screen were large, white numbers. 6:47 am. Clay wiped his forehead as he looked through his notifications that had gathered at the top of his screen.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Emails</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Discord notifications</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sapnap constantly texting him</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Once notification stood out perfectly against the screen, as soon as Clay read it his face brightened. He smiled as he tapped on the small bubble, and unlocked his phone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Good morning dream :)”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Clay’s smile only grew larger. Butterflies gathered in his stomach, he loosened his grip on his phone. Clay’s eyes dropped to the floor, soon deep in his mind. He didn’t even realize he was thinking so much, it was only seven in the morning and he had already used his brain more than he thought Sapnap does in a day. Clay chuckled at his little remark, it was true though. Another vibration was felt in his palm, looking down to see another text from George.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You can’t leave me on read”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re too much of a simp to do that ;)”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Clay smiled. George was right though, he rarely leaves George on read.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sorry, I had to feed patches”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You know how she gets”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Yeah go ahead and lie your way out of it, Clay.</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>It won't work, you know that.</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Or you were thinking again”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Damn it</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This time was it about”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Clay didn’t even have enough time to react before the screen changed from the bright white to a grey, George’s name glowing at the top of Clay’s phone. He answered, not regretting his decision.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What are you talking about George?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh okay, so the conversation we had two seconds ago just doesn’t exist then huh?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh, you just called me and said ‘so?’ like you think I know what that means”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was lying again, he knew what George meant from the very beginning.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing happened, George hung up before Clay could get an answer. It wasn’t a surprise to Clay, George always hung up on him before he could get answers. It was annoying at some times, but others he would come back giggling. It never failed to fluster Clay, he never knew why.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t like George,</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>could he?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Before Clay could answer himself his phone vibrated again. He quickly looked at it to see a message from George.</p><p> </p><p>“Get on discord, Sapnap wants to talk ??”</p><p> </p><p>Oh god, if there was anyone on earth that Clay didn’t want to have a ‘talk’ with was Sapnap. Either something really bad happened or it’s something good that he has to tell both him and George.</p><p> </p><p>Clay had barely just woken up, and it was seven in the morning. With Sapnap being in Texas that made it six for him. That only worried Clay more, Sapnap valued his sleep more than anything in the world, Clay was pretty sure he valued it more than their friendship, so him being awake at six and having to talk with him and George was scary. But Clay didn’t hesitate to climb out of bed and sit in his chair that would soon become an ocean of sweat.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly opening discord then searching through the hundreds of people in calls was a pretty typical thing Clay would do in the morning, but this time it was followed with nervousness and anxiety. He hated super serious conversations, and Sapnap was a very calm and chill person. George could also ease his anxiety like no one else ever had, of course Sapnap would help a lot but George was different.</p><p> </p><p>Once Clay found the voice channel that both George and Sapnap were in he joined quickly, being greeted with the excited voice of Sapnap and followed by Georges softer tones. Clay smiled with the sounds, saying hi back in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap, can you please tell me what you want us to know so badly.”</p><p> </p><p>George’s voice sounded tired, like he didn’t get enough sleep the night before.</p><p> </p><p>“Please Sapnap, I need to eat something and you really need to sleep. It’s six over there dude.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, didn’t know you were my dad Dream.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay okay, so I have really big news for you guys.”</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap managed to say behind muffled laughs.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap please, I’m literally so tired. I can’t take this right now, spit it out you child.”</p><p> </p><p>That's what seemed to set Sapnap off, Clay tried to muffle his laugh but he couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“Like you can say anything George, you would literally have to stand on a stool just so you can see over Dream’s shoulders. You look like a child, so I don’t know why you’re talking.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay laughed while George and Sapnap argued over who was more of a child than the other. It continued for a few minutes while Clay was trying to catch his breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Guys, guys! Stop for god's sake! My sides can’t take this much laughing and Sapnap still needs to tell us whatever he thought was so important.”</p><p> </p><p>They both quieted down, then Sapnap spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Dream. Anyways, there was this whole thing that one of my parents' friends had to do, but something came up and now they can’t do it. Well, they had to do some weird thing and they had to buy plane tickets for some kind of catastrophe that happened at a store their company owns right. Then at like the last minute someone called them saying that everything was all right but they didn’t want to waste the tickets, which I think is very humble of them-”</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap, what the hell do you want from us.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay heard George’s tone, he was serious but still tired and playful.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, first off fuck off.”</p><p> </p><p>George snickered at Sapnap’s reply.</p><p> </p><p>“Second, how would you guys feel about meeting up?”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Remember</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>"What?"</em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>George and Clay seemed to have the same reaction to the question, both surprised by the topic being brought up once again. They had talked about it months prior, but Clay didn’t think it would be a reality at any point.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Silence took over the call, it was uncomfortable. Both Clay and George in shock from the unpredictable words that were just said.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“You guys seem, upset.” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Sapnap broke the silence, followed by Clay clearing his throat.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“We aren’t mad Sap, just surprised. That’s all.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Speak for yourself Dream, you're not the one that is gonna be stuck with a dude that called you a child for over a week.” </p><p> </p><p>All three of them laughed, it eased the anxiety that was about to eat Clay alive.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“So, do you guys want to meet up?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I would love to see you guys, George?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They waited in silence, no response from George.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“George?” Clay tried to see if he could catch the man's attention, which failed.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Both Clay and Sapnap tried to get George's attention for a while. Calling out his name in an attempt to get an answer out of him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Do you think he’s asleep?” The man over the call spoke up, something in Clay’s mind clicked.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“He did mention that he was tired, do you think he would’ve fallen asleep though?” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Dream, this is George we are talking about. He slept through every large event on the smp, do you think he wouldn’t fall asleep in a situation like this?” Both of them started laughing, then hearing a faint sound of someone groaning.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Oh look, it’s sleeping beauty.” Clay spoke with a soft and joking tone.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Your sleeping beauty.” George said with a giggle.</p><p> </p><p>Clay’s face got hot, he could feel his heart thumping in his chest as he sat there. Warm beads of sweat rolled down Clay’s back and chest, some getting caught by his shirt and others continuing down his body. His heart raced as he heard George say those words.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Your sleeping beauty </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The words repeating in Clay’s mind quickly took over, drawing everything else out. Sapnap and George bickering again, Patches meowing, the knocking at his door.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Wait </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Knocking? </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>No one has visited Clay in such a long time, it scared him. The thumping came in a group of three’s.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Thump</b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Thump</b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>Thump</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Oh, there’s someone at my door. I’ll be right back, don’t kill each other”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Okay dad”</p><p> </p><p>Clay rolled his eyes at the other's response and opened his bedroom door, he made his way towards his large front door. As he opened the door a rush of hot air rushed in, making Clay hitch his breath. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Bro you need to stop calling me at 3 in the morning, what do you need.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The guy pushed past Clay, walking in and taking a seat on his couch. Clay didn’t say anything, he just closed the door and sat in a chair across from the glass coffee table between them.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Sorry, just shit has been hard and it’s only been getting harder. That’s why I called you”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“No, I’m your plug, that’s why you called me. You wanted me to hook you up with something.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay sat there in silence, it was true, Clay had called him multiple times before and he had some stuff that was pretty good. Clay just doesn’t remember calling anyone last night, that’s the thing. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“See, you can’t lie to me. Clay, we've known each other since high school and you know that I can read people easily.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Yeah I know dickhead”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The guy stretched out on the couch, leaning his head back over the back of the couch. His beanie fell of, Clay noticed as soon as he looked up.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Shit! Alex your beanie!” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, don’t be a bitch. They didn’t let me wear it in school so you’ve seen my hair before.”  </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I know, it still feels weird though. It’s been forever since high school Alex.” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Everyone has gone different ways, I’m just glad we’re somewhat successful.” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Eh, can’t say much for you baldy.” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They both laughed, it reminded Clay of when they would each lunch in the bathroom together. Even if he was on the football team he still refused to sit with the others, they were all assholes and he really didn’t want to associate with them. Clay was better than them, but he didn’t have any friends so he was alone then. He would settle for the bathrooms just like Alex would, they got to know each other more and more each lunch period until they became close friends. Of course Clay had tried to push him away more than once, and Alex got pulled into the wrong crowd. That’s how Alex got started dealing, high school parties, people on the street, people from the school, even Clay. </p><p> </p><p>Clay didn’t hold him accountable, the people Alex were working for weren’t good people. He had to get rid of a specific amount of every drug and have an amount of money by the end of the week. That’s why he would stay out so late so he could form to other peoples schedules. He worried Clay, but Alex got out eventually and tried for a better life. That’s when they started streaming together, and they took off. </p><p> </p><p>Now at 15 million subscribers Clay was known as ‘Dream’ and Alex had one million and known as ‘Quackity’. They loved streaming with each other, and they wish they did more, but with Alex getting back into the business and with the meet up with the dream team they hadn’t for a while. </p><p> </p><p>"Did you need help with something Clay? Cause I'm supposed to be setting up a pretty big stream but I got worried about you. Did you want anything? I brought a few ounces of-"</p><p> </p><p>"No Alex, I'm trying to stay away from that stuff for right now. It has helped forget shit before and if I keep going down then I'll probably call you."</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, I'm here for you Clay. Even if we don't talk as much as we used to, you can always call me and I'll try my best to get over here and help." </p><p> </p><p>"Thank you Alex, it means a lot."</p><p> </p><p>"Of course Clay."</p><p> </p><p>They both stood, soon embracing in a hug. They hadn't been this physically close since the last day of high school, Clay missed it so much. They both started to walk towards the door when Clay remembered George and Nick were still on call.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Alex?"</p><p> </p><p>He quickly turned around and faced Clay, his green eyes meetings Alex's dark brown eyes. "Yeah, what's up." </p><p> </p><p>"George and Sapnap might be flying out here soon, would you want to-"</p><p> </p><p>"If you're asking if I want to meet them, of course. If you're asking me if you want me to come to the airport with you to pick them up, of course."</p><p> </p><p>Clay smiled.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you Alex, I'll text you the details once I get them."</p><p> </p><p>"Alright, I'll seen you soon Clay."</p><p> </p><p>"Bye Alex."</p><p> </p><p>The smile never left Clay's face. He finally had support from more than his fans, he had support from people who know him personally. People who know him. </p><p> </p><p>Clay rushed upstairs and ran over to his computer, putting his headphones on and moving patches off of his desk.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh come on Clay!"</p><p> </p><p>"Dude what the fuck?!"</p><p> </p><p>"Wait, what did I do?"</p><p> </p><p>"You moved patches! We were talking to her!" </p><p> </p><p>Everyone laughed, a warm feeling grew in Clay's chest. His chest felt as if it was going to explode. Clay couldn't feel his heartbeat as the call went silent, all three recovering from the laughing fit they had.</p><p> </p><p>"So, since Clay's back."</p><p> </p><p>George's voice was like a relief for Clay, his heart started beating. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thump</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thump</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thump</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Just like how Alex knocked on the door.</p><p> </p><p>"Should we talk about the trip now?"</p><p> </p><p>"That would be smart considering my tickets are for two weeks."</p><p> </p><p>Two weeks.</p><p> </p><p>That's all Clay needed to clean his house and make sure everything was prepared.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Two weeks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tickets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>All three were on call for over an hour before they started talking about the plane tickets. The whole time they just joked with each other, Sapnap making inappropriate jokes about Clay and George that would make Clay’s stomach turn. He figured why, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself. Of course he didn’t, George had made it clear that he didn’t have any interest being any more than just friends with Clay. It tore Clay apart from time to time but he had learned how to calm himself down before he said anything he might regret. Some jokes Clay would say were ones that George was comfortable with but also would make him clearly blush. It always made Clay laugh when George would become flustered, and he would normally become red as well but he didn’t let it shine through in his voice like George does.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay? You still there, or are you thinking about what you and George-”</p><p> </p><p>“If you finish that sentence Sapnap I will fly out and kick your ass.”</p><p> </p><p>George and Sapnap laughed at Clay’s quick response.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, Mr. Skyscraper.”</p><p> </p><p>George started wheezing, that only made the butterflies in Clay’s stomach flutter up to his heart and mind. His thoughts became unruly and were clustered with an overwhelming amount of ‘what ifs’ that he had to take a second before he could respond to Sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>“Dream? Does that sound alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Clay didn’t say anything, he quickly moved his cursor over to George's name and started to message him.</p><p> </p><p>“What you talk about? I no talk but I hear.”</p><p> </p><p>George read the message out loud to the dark-haired man.</p><p> </p><p>“Why can’t you speak Dream? Are you okay? That sentence barely made sense.” George quickly responded, almost like he was desperate for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>Dream started to type again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, mind don’t work”</p><p> </p><p>George read it out loud once again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well do you know why your head is fogged up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm, but no tell.”</p><p> </p><p>“God, I hate you Dream.” George giggled, finally reading the message out for Sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>“Dream, don’t be a pissbaby, tell us what you’re thinking about.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay took a second just to think, the call went silent. All they could hear was tiny snippets of each other's breathing. Clay started to type, but quickly deleted all of it. He heard George scoff at the other end. Clay just typed out one word and sent it.</p><p> </p><p>“You.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dream..” George sounded surprised, with a small amount of confusion and scared in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“What? George what did he-”</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap was cut off, and the sound of Clay joining another call was heard. It was silent for a second, then he heard a loud sigh from the other end of the call.</p><p> </p><p>“Dream, what was that.” </p><p> </p><p>Soon typing was heard, but George interrupted.</p><p> </p><p>“Dream I know you can speak, talk to me don’t just message me.”</p><p> </p><p>A small feeling grew in Clay’s chest. George knew him, and he knew him more than he should. George knew when Clay was lying, when he was playing and when he was serious, George knew Clay down to the tone in his voice and his choice of wording. George knew everything about Clay, which was terrifying but it made something in Clay jump. George paid that much attention to Clay, which only made Clay become a small child. They had talked about it before and Clay only went into a fit of giggles and tea-kettle laughs, like a child who got a sucker they wanted from the store. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay’s breathing hitched in his throat. George would only call Clay his name when he was serious.</p><p> </p><p>“Uhm it’s nothing George, don’t worry about it.” Clay spoke behind small breaths.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay it is something, you don’t just come out and say these kinds of things. Especially hiding things from me let alone Sapnap.” </p><p> </p><p>He was right, he told both of them everything. From minor things like what kind of tea he drank that day to large streams and opening up about his feelings. He trusted them, so not talking to George was a new thing for both of them.</p><p> </p><p>“No George really, it’s nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well you wouldn’t be acting like this if it was nothing, you would’ve explained it in the call with Sapnap.” His words sounded plain, like there was no emotion behind them.</p><p> </p><p>“George it’s nothing, seriously-”</p><p> </p><p>“If it was nothing Clay, you would’ve explained it by now then. Stop hiding it and tell me, you know that I’m here for you.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“George please, can we just go back to the call with Sapnap. He’s probably so confused and it’s nothing that we need to talk about.” Clay’s voice was stern, almost spitting the words out. A soft sigh was heard, followed by an even softer ‘okay’ not long afterwards. Clay saved himself, this time.</p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>George left the call first, then Clay. They both joined back in the call, they both clearly needed to calm down. No one said a word for the first few minutes, just awkward silence between the three. All that was heard was a soft sigh from Sapnap followed by him speaking up in a gentle tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Guys, whatever happened in that other call is none of my business but please will you speak. This is practically torture not only for me but for the both of you as well.” </p><p> </p><p>He was right, Clay wanted to talk but he didn’t want to make the first move. Plus he didn’t know how George felt after how he spoke in that call, he will admit that he was a little too uptight about it and it was very suspicious but he couldn’t tell George.</p><p> </p><p>He just couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“What were we talking about before? Plane tickets for George?” Clay finally choked out, his tone was now soft to try and poke at the sleeping bear.</p><p> </p><p>“We should probably talk about those, but we need to do it soon so that I can sleep. I haven’t slept at all and I’m tired as hell.” Sapnap yawned.</p><p> </p><p>Clay started to type on his computer, looking up flight services and seeing the different ratings and prices. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you have anything going on this summer George?” </p><p> </p><p>The call went silent once again, waiting for a response from George. The only thing heard was quiet typing from one end of the call.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope, I’m free pretty much all summer.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Sapnap what are the dates?”</p><p> </p><p>Nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap?”</p><p> </p><p>Nothing, yet again.</p><p> </p><p>“What time is it for him?” George's soft voice pierced through the call, relaxing Clay’s shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>Clay checked the time at the bottom of his screen. 8:54 am. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit, it’s almost 8 am for him and he hasn’t slept.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, we should leave him be then. Kick him out of the call and let him sleep Dream.” You could hear the smile on George’s face, making a smile poke at the edges of Clay’s lips as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay. I'll spare him this time.” Clay let out a small chuckle, so did George.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Clay, I’ll call you later okay? We could stream or something maybe.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that sounds good George.”</p><p> </p><p>“If I find out you scared Sapnap then I’ll have to..” George trailed off.</p><p> </p><p>“Do what George?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, punish you?” Clay heard the smile on George’s face as he spoke.</p><p>Before Clay could respond George had left the call, leaving Clay in a whirlwind of emotions. His shoulders tensed up again, his heart was racing, a warm red blush almost immediately spreading across his face, he had the urge to run around and scream at the top of his lungs out of excitement, but he was so confused all at the same time. </p><p>
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</p><p>George always said he was straight, and so did Clay, so this is just them play flirting right?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Right? </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. First Class</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Dream! Dream please!” George was begging to be spared.</p><p> </p><p>“Come here, George!” Clay yelled after him, their characters running close together.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re too much, aren’t they bad.” Sapnap laughed after George screamed, a light yellow message popping up on the screen.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>GeorgeNotFound was slain by Dream</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The whole call erupted with laughter from Clay and Sapnap, followed by George pouting and Bad yelling at Clay.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh boohoo Georgie, you got a wittle cut on your arm?” Sapnap mocked.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up Sapnap, I hate you.” </p><p> </p><p>“I bet you wouldn’t say the same to Dream now would you George?” He laughed as George’s character stopped running, followed by the sound of something hitting a desk.</p><p> </p><p>A soft ‘ow’ was heard, everyone erupted into laughter.</p><p> </p><p>“George, what happened?” Clay could barely get a word out before wheezing again.</p><p> </p><p>“I hit my head, it really hurts Dream.” George’s character didn’t move from his spot for another minute, giving a creeper just enough time to attack and almost kill George again. </p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap stop! Half a heart! I’m on half a heart!” George cried out, followed by another yellow message.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>GeorgeNotFound was slain by Sapnap</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>More messages popped up in chat.</p><p> </p><p><strong>TommyInnit</strong>: Canon</p><p><strong>TommyInnit</strong>: Canon</p><p><strong>Tubbo_</strong>: Canon</p><p><strong>The_Eret</strong>: Is it canon?</p><p> </p><p>Clay couldn’t stop laughing, Sapnap was attacking bad and they were fighting, and George was yelling and laughing while running back to get his stuff. </p><p> </p><p>It took them all a minute before going back to whatever they were doing beforehand, it took Clay even longer considering the laughing fit he had just moments before. It didn’t take long before Sapnap had done something and bad was yelling at him along with reminding him that he was streaming, causing Clay and George to start laughing yet again.</p><p>
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</p><p>A few hours passed and Bad finally ended his stream and left the call to go to bed, leaving the three in a call together. It didn’t take long before they started talking about the flights.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait so you said that they were for May 29th, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes Dream, May 29th.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay typed away on his computer, scrolling through different airlines and seeing the best flights from the UK to Florida. He only wanted the best for George, no stupid flight that is all cramped and only serves you peanuts once the whole flight. He wanted to get George on a good flight, possibly in the first class, where he would actually be comfortable the whole time. </p><p> </p><p>Who was he kidding, of course he would get George first class.</p><p> </p><p>“When was the return date?” </p><p> </p><p>A muffled answer came from across the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap, where the hell are you.”</p><p> </p><p>Another quiet answer, only slightly eligible.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap we can’t hear you, your mic is too far.” </p><p> </p><p>“I think he said the eleventh.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay thought back for a moment, trying to connect the dots and decode the muffled voice of the other. It was pretty much impossible, trying to understand Sapnap alone was just as difficult to do. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure George? I really don’t want to mess this up, you understand how important this is.” </p><p> </p><p>“Clay, trust me; even if it is just this once.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh, he said your name! You’re not Dream anymore, just Clay!” A new, much clearer, voice cooed from the other end of the call.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up Sapnap, like you’re helping.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay tuned both of the arguing men to focus on the plane tickets for George. He searched through multiple different airlines, checking the ratings, the length of each flight, and of course seeing how well their first class was.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don’t care how expensive it is, I would pay everything for George. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What the hell? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> No, Clay. You can't think of George like that, he's your best friend and nothing more than just that.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But- </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Dream?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, what?” </p><p> </p><p>“Have you found the tickets? Or found a good option?”</p><p> </p><p>Clay kept scrolling, looking through each of the websites. Soon settling on a well-rated company, Clay was pleased to see that George would be treated like a king on this flight. Why not boost his ego while flying over to a completely different part of the world. </p><p> </p><p>Clay didn’t even check the price, he just ran most of the information by George before buying the ticket.</p><p> </p><p>“Dream seriously, let me pay for it. It’s not that big of a price and-” </p><p> </p><p>“Too late, you should be getting a message soon with all the details and such.” </p><p> </p><p>“Dream! You’re kidding.” George yelled at him, Clay just chucked slightly. </p><p> </p><p>Clay’s smile only grew wider once he heard the gasp from the other end, followed by the little exhales and mumbles in an attempt to put words together. </p><p> </p><p>“What? What happened?” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re so oblivious Sap-”</p><p> </p><p>“Dream bought be fucking first-class tickets to Florida! Dream, what the hell am I supposed to do?!” George cut Clay off, which only made him smile wider.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know George, maybe you could go to the airport and board the plane in May?” </p><p> </p><p>“Dre- Clay! You’re kidding! No, I’m paying you back. Where’s your Paypal.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay laughed at the scrambling boy.</p><p> </p><p>“George, it’s no use trying. You already know he is just going to spend that money on you, either in donos or on the trip.” </p><p> </p><p>That was followed by a loud sigh from George, then an even larger wheeze from Clay.</p><p> </p><p>“You know he’s right, George.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes I know Clay, I can’t describe how much- wait.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, Geo-” Sapnap was cut off, followed by Clay being added to a different call once again.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, what the hell are you thinking.”</p><p> </p><p>“I just want you to be comfortable George, I don’t want you to be on a plane for hours in between two random people. That’s terrifying if you truly think about it, plus you’ll be alone and that’s scary enough. I’m just looking out for you, trying to put you in the best place so that you only have to deal with jet lag.”</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, but this is so much money just for two plane tickets. That- I can’t accept it-” </p><p> </p><p>“But you can, George. Please, don’t fight with me about it and just board the plane.”</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, I can’t. You do so much and you barely get anything in return-”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s how I work George, I give and don’t receive, that’s how it’s always been. You know that, plenty of people have pointed it out, including you. Plus, seeing you would be the greatest thing I could get in return.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay finds enjoyment in cutting George off, kinda fun in his opinion.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, just let me get my own ticket.”</p><p> </p><p>“George, I’ve already paid for it and I know how expensive it is. Please, can we go back to pissed Sapnap please?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a moment of silence, followed by a forced sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. Just know I hate you Dream.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah sure you do,” Clay said with a grin, George just exhaled and left the call.</p><p>
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</p><p>
  <em> I love you too George </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What the hell? Stop this. </em>
</p><p>
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</p><p>Clay soon joined the call only to be greeted with Sapnap and George bickering back and forth.</p><p> </p><p>“Will both of you shut the hell up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine dad.” Sapnap said in a whiney voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap you better watch yourself, we’re meeting up in less than a month and I can easily beat you in a fight. Five eight ass.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dream! I would not lose! Just because you’re a giant doesn’t mean you would win every fight!”</p><p> </p><p>“He does have an advantage Sapnap, you are what? Almost six inches shorter than him?” </p><p> </p><p>Dream just wheezed as George tried to get Sapnap even more agitated. </p><p>
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</p><p>A few minutes went by before they stopped arguing, half the time was Clay wheezing and Sapnap yelling at George. Clay had grown tired and checked his phone, turning it on to see the plain beige wallpaper he had set it to almost half a year ago. He slowly looked up at the time, 12:39 am. Clay didn’t even think about how late it was for him, he immediately thought about George.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit, George it’s way too late for you. What is it? Five for you?”</p><p> </p><p>George just hummed in response, clearly dazed.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus, go to bed. Sapnap you should too, it’s eleven for you.” </p><p> </p><p>“Wow you really are a dad, aren’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Clay just scoffed before disconnecting the darker blonde from the call, leaving him and George in the call alone.</p><p> </p><p>“Dre- Clay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah George?” </p><p> </p><p>Nerves slowly started to overwhelm Clay, first his fingers started to tingle and he had gotten hot. It wasn’t anything new to him, he had gotten nervous like this multiple times before but never with George.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want to say thank you.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay’s nerves peaked, normally George was horrible with these types of things. He couldn't ever verbally express his emotions so this was something out of the ordinary.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re welcome? Where is this coming from George?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just, everything I guess? I mean, you bought me plane tickets, you have donated so much money on streams and such, you have even just bought me things that I mentioned like <em>once</em> on a stream or something. I’ve never really said thank you, like a genuine thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh George, it’s nothing really. That’s just what I do and I love-”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Shit </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh uh, nothing. Uh hold on Patches, I’ll feed you in a second.” </p><p> </p><p>Patches looked up at Clay with heavy eyelids.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, don’t think I didn’t hear that.” </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry George, Patches is wanted food and I should really sleep. No need to thank me for anything, it’s my pleasure.”</p><p> </p><p>“But Clay, can you explain-”</p><p> </p><p>“George, It’s fine, I like giving instead of taking okay? That’s it, it’s perfectly fine and it’s my decision.”</p><p> </p><p>“But, that was over a thousand dollars Clay. I can’t just take that.”</p><p> </p><p>“George please, don’t push it. It really isn’t anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then can you explain what you were about to say? I heard you say that you loved-”</p><p> </p><p>That was it, something inside of Clay just snapped and he couldn’t take the pushing from George. At least right then he couldn’t. He had sworn to himself that he wasn't going to snap at George like he had with almost everyone else, he promised himself, but Clay just couldn't control himself.</p><p> </p><p>“George! Please! Stop pushing things out of me! I made the decision to buy you the tickets because I love you okay?! I love you George and I want you to be comfortable on a flight, is that too much? I want you to be comfortable on the flight! That’s it! Please, you got your answers now leave me alone!”</p><p> </p><p>For a second Clay felt relief, but that second was shattered by guilt. Overwhelming amounts of guilt flooded over Clay, swallowing him whole.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay..?”</p><p> </p><p>“Please go to bed soon George, it’s way too early for you. Terribly sorry for keeping you awake this long, please go sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“But Clay-”</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight George.”</p><p> </p><p>A small ring was heard and was followed by a sigh from Clay.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, I always do this. I always do this!”</p><p> </p><p>He took his headphones off and tossed them onto the table, just barely missing his keyboard. Clay quickly stood up and pushed his chair back from behind him, soon pacing around his room. Patches sat up and stretched, meowing from the table. </p><p> </p><p>Pacing from one side of the room to the other was all that Clay did for the next 30 minutes, missing every message and call from his best friends. He couldn’t care, which he should have. Clay was doing all that he could to not attack himself, to degrade himself in any way, to go back to his phone and call Quackity. He did his best, but sometimes your best isn’t good enough.</p><p>
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</p><p>Clay then stopped pacing and walked over to his desk where his phone was, reaching down and watching as the screen lit up with a familiar name. It was Sapnap once again, not even thinking about anything he swiped decline and unlocked his phone. Searching for the one contact he hated calling.</p><p> </p><p>Hearing the phone ring was like a release but also a weight being added to Clay’s chest, then the weight became ten times heavier as he heard the quiet ‘hello?’ from the other end.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Alex, I need something. Literally anything, I’ll even pay for anything, I just I need something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, how much and how strong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh I don’t know, nothing that would fuck me but something that can make it stop.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’ll be over soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Alex.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, leave the door unlocked and I can show myself in. Just relax in your room, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Bye.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bye.”</p><p> </p><p>The room went silent, calming yet chaotic. Clay had just made such stupid decisions in the past 20 minutes that really couldn’t be fixed. He had just snapped at George, something he swore he would never do, then he called Alex again? Clay might’ve just fucked up everything that he had worked so hard for. The relationship with George might’ve just been shattered, and everything he had told himself about contacting Alex was just broken too.</p><p> </p><p>He just repeated the same words over in his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck you, fuck you, <em>fuck you.</em></p><p> </p><p>They weren’t aimed at anyone but himself.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for destroying everything.</p><p>
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</p><p>Clay tossed his phone behind him on his bed, feeling it vibrate as George called him. This time he was tempted to answer and just break down, but he couldn’t convince himself to do it. It wasn’t long before he heard his front door open, followed by the sounds of keys on the table and shoes being thrown against the door. Finally, he heard the heavy footsteps climb up the stairs. One door was opened and then closed, then another, before his bedroom door was opened and finally closed.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Alex.”</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Clay."</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please I don't know what color Sapnap's hair is, some people say blonde and some say brown but I have no idea so I've kinda just left it at "Darker blonde" like that is some kind of middle ground</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Cross Faded</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex closed the door and slowly made his way over to Clay’s bed. He dropped his bag next to himself, soon sliding down the king-sized bed. Nothing was said between the two, just uneasy silence and some heavy breaths from Clay. You could hear shuffling from Alex moving his feet every once in a while, trying to get comfortable on the wooden floor. </p><p> </p><p>Soon enough there was shifting from the bed, causing Alex to sit forward and look back at Clay. In the darkness you couldn’t see anything, but you could hear everything. Alex could hear the soft sniffles coming from the top of the bed; not realizing that they were from a torn, ripped, <em> shredded </em>, Clay.</p><p> </p><p>Once it finally clicked in his brain that something was going on with Clay he slowly stood up, pushing his bag of god-knows-what away, and reached out a hand to Clay. There was a moment of absolutely nothing, then a cold and tear-ridden hand was placed on top of it. Now Alex may be smaller than Clay but he can surely bring some force. A swift tug on Clay’s arm was enough to have him stand up, taking a moment before finding his balance. One quick and fluid movement, going from Clay sitting on the edge of the bed to being embraced by Alex.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them moved, they stood there embraced together while Clay just stared off. He had been crying the whole time, from after he hung up with Alex to the hug, so his eyes were fairly puffy and red along with his eyes being overly dry. </p><p> </p><p>Soon enough the moment of pure support and friendship had to come to an end when Alex’s phone rang, sending vibrations through his stomach and his chest. Neither of them said anything, Clay just pulled away as Alex reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out.</p><p> </p><p>“I- sorry Clay, I have to take this.” Clay heard Alex step away, followed by the door closing once again.</p><p> </p><p>Clay just sat back down on the bed, clearly more exhausted and stressed than anything. He reached to check his phone, turning it on to see the same plain wallpaper than before. He scrolled through his notifications, seeing multiple missed calls from both Sapnap and George. Clay swiped away the notifications, only opening Sapnap's messages.</p><p>
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  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Pandas</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Clay? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> George explained what happened. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please respond dude </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We’re both anxious, you don’t just disappear like this  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Clay? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please tell me you’re okay, even if you leave me on read </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I just need to know that you’re okay and alive </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please Clay  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay started to type something out but he heard his door open again.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, it was an important call.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask from who?”</p><p> </p><p>Alex took a second to respond, like he was lying.</p><p> </p><p>“It was my editor.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alex, you can tell me. If you need to leave for a dick appointment or something I get it, I’ll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, Clay! No! it’s not a dick- ugh you’re horrible!” Alex let out a laugh, soon dying down realizing Clay wasn’t laughing along.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what’s up dude? I haven’t seen you this down since high school.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, Alex, I’ll be fine. I don’t even know why I called you.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay was lying through his teeth, he knew why he called Alex. He knew exactly why.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanted..”</p><p> </p><p>Alex trailed off while rummaging through his bookbag, pulling out a smaller bag filled with small, green clusters. Clay just let out a heavy sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“You still want it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah..”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to do this Clay, you know that.” </p><p> </p><p>“Just fucking roll it, Alex.”</p><p> </p><p>Nothing else was said, just the quiet sounds of Alex rolling a blunt. Clay let out another sigh, soon remembering that Patches might be in his room with them.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” Clay tried to stand up, but only fell back onto his bed.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Making sure Patches isn’t in here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll find her, calm down.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” Clay spoke quietly, almost like if he were to speak louder than he would’ve woken somebody and get busted.</p><p> </p><p>It took Alex a moment or so but he finally got the blunt rolled correctly and managed to get Patches out of the room. He even closed and blocked the door along with opening a window so that the whole room wouldn’t stink after they were done.</p><p> </p><p>Alex handed Clay the lighter with the joint, looking at the blonde.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m giving you control, if you want to you can light it and have the first hit, if you don’t then you don’t have to.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay just shook his head as he brought the shaky blunt up to his mouth, holding it there for a second before flicking the lighter and lighting the end of it. Only letting go once he could see the embers at the very end glow, slowly inhaling the fumes from the blunt. </p><p> </p><p>Clay removed the object from his lips and held his breath just for a second before exhaling, watching the faint outline of the smoke leave his lips. He held the blunt out for Alex to take it, which he did and gladly took a hit off of it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay just laid on his back while Alex threw away the butt of the blunt, exhaling the last of the smoke from his lungs before sitting up once again. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Alex, this was..”</p><p> </p><p>“Nice? Of course it was, I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t push your luck Q”</p><p> </p><p>They both just laughed as they headed downstairs so that Alex could get ready to go home.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, I was supposed to be setting up a large stream.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh right, sorry dude.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s not your fault, it’s okay. I overstayed and completely lost track of time. I guess I’ll have to do it tomorrow but that’s fine for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“As long as it doesn’t interfere with anything else, I mean that’s good.”</p><p> </p><p>They both stopped where Alex had thrown his shoes hours prior, Clay reaching out an arm to help Alex stay steady while he put them on.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, anyways thank you Clay and make sure to call me if you need me to come back over. Hell, I’ll sleep on your couch if you really need me to.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay just laughed, the most realistic laugh he could produce.</p><p> </p><p>“No way, you’d definitely be sleeping in a bed. But no, I think that I’ll be good for tonight. Thank you Alex.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anytime Clay, I’ll text you later?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure.” </p><p> </p><p>“Cool, bye dude.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bye.” Clay waved as Alex walked out the door.</p><p> </p><p>Clay closed the door and waited about a minute before hitting his back against his door, letting his eyes close forcefully and his hands contacting his forehead. Hot tears gathered at the corners of his eyes but he just blinked them away. </p><p> </p><p>Clay slowly gathered himself and walked over to his fridge, opening it to see almost every shelf filled with something that he didn’t want. Food, food, some water, other drinks, but nothing he really wanted.</p><p> </p><p>He quickly brought himself up his stairs and into his room, grabbing his phone and turning it on. Clay was greeted with plenty of notifications but he didn’t care, he opened one of his apps and ordered some vodka and beer to be delivered to his house within thirty minutes. </p><p> </p><p>Clay did his best to try and occupy himself for that long thirty minutes but he ended up just sitting on his couch zoned out on the wall. He wasn’t really thinking either, he was just sitting there and riding out his high. </p><p> </p><p>Finally the alcohol arrived and Clay was more than thrilled to drink for once in his life. He quickly picked up the bottles and brought them inside, putting them on his counter and searching for a bottle opener. Clay soon found out that he was a lot stronger than he assumed he was, opening the bottle of vodka and drinking it straight. It was clearly a bad idea considering he shot back forward and coughed from the substance hitting the back of his throat. He gasped and mumbled a few profanities under his breath, not like he couldn’t curse loudly. </p><p> </p><p>Clay quickly recovered only to down more of the intoxicating liquid, not having a single care in the world. He just wanted to forget for the night, just forget anything that had happened. Clay grabbed the package of beers along with the vodka and he made his way upstairs. He tumbled on a few steps, clearly tipsy, but he slowly made his way up to his room. </p><p> </p><p>He opened his door and put the beers next to his bed, putting the vodka on his nightstand. Clay turned on a light and looked back at the vodka, looking down to see a small bag and a roll of papers laid on a note.</p><p> </p><p>Clay picked it up and read it, not understanding what it meant at first but soon catching on.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Clay, next time you’re rolling the joint. Better start practicing idiot. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Take care </em>
</p><p>
  <em> - Q </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Clay smiled as he picked up the bag and assembled yet another joint, doing his best under his circumstances. He eventually got it so it was a functional blunt, soon lighting it and taking another long hit. He pulled the joint from his mouth and exhaling then downing it with more vodka.</p><p> </p><p>That is how the rest of the night went for Clay, smoking and drinking. He contemplated going out but he could barely stand and he would like to wake up in his bed.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It was around 5 am when Clay finally finished his second beer, over half the bottle of vodka, and he was almost finished his third blunt of the night. He was completely wrecked, which meant he was going to have a murderous headache when he woke up. </p><p> </p><p>Clay was going in and out of consciousness, he had fallen down on his bed and he was just laying there when he heard a vibration coming from next to him. Clay reached over and looked at his phone, the screen was lit up with a name but he couldn’t make it out. He managed to hit accept before the call was redirected.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay?” A familiar voice range through his brain.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” Clay was slurring his words, unable to hide how drunk and faded he was.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus, are you drunk?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe” Clay let out a giggle, followed by a scoff from the other end.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay it’s five in the morning for you and you’re drinking? Please get yourself together and go to sleep.” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay daddy George” Clay let out a wheeze, he thought he was hilarious. If only he knew how red the brunette was on the other end.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay! You’re wasted, put away everything and climb into bed.”</p><p> </p><p>“But George, if I put my blu-” </p><p> </p><p>“Clay I don’t want to hear it, go to sleep.” George cut Clay off, quickly regretting his decision.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, were you going to say blunt?” </p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight Georgie!” Clay giggled then hung up.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay quickly found his charger and plugged his phone in, capable of doing so but not able to walk from his bed to his door. He put it down on the same table the vodka was on. He quickly grabbed it and unscrewed the top once again, taking a drink worth of a few shots before putting it back on the table and throwing himself back on his bed. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take him long before he was passed out cold on his bed, leaving his phone to ring every two seconds from both Sapnap and George. Soon Alex was going to be involved, but Clay didn’t care. He had forgotten that night, and that’s all he wanted.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Worry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this has a short description of self-image issues and a mention of pills, be careful reading and stay safe&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clay woke up from the warm sun beating down on his face and loud, heavy knocking coming from downstairs. He picked his head up and wiped the remaining bits of sleep off of his face, letting himself yawn. Clay slowly stood up, his sweatpants hanging from his hips and an oversized t-shirt just large enough for his chest and upper arm muscles to be covered. Each time the banging on the door returned just toyed with his headache more.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay?!”</p><p> </p><p>He made his way down his stairs as the person from the other side of the door yelled his name. Clay tried to yell back but his head restricted him from doing so, his head throbbing each time he stepped down a step. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay! Get your ass out here!”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the hell up! I’m coming!” Clay yelled back, instantly regretting his decision as his head throbbed more. </p><p> </p><p>Clay finally reached his door and opened it, only to be greeted with a deranged Alex, panting as he pulled the taller man into a hug.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called you, how many times we’ve all called you! Between me, Sapnap and George there has been over a hundred calls just to you, not to mention the calls between us!”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, come inside. The sun is going to kill me if you don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I’m going to kill you! Scaring all of us like that! Especially George, god he was constantly texting me. Jesus christ!”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, George was scared?”</p><p> </p><p>Something inside of Clay clicked, it was a combination of both guilt and an overwhelming feeling of happiness. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He was important to George </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Of course George was scared! Has he never told you how important you are to him? Whenever we’re in a call alone or after you leave he always swoons over yo-”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit, Clay don’t take that- fuck. Don’t take it like that jesus, I’ve said too much! Fuck fuck. Fuck!”</p><p> </p><p>Alex started pacing around, hoping that Clay would just drop it; drop the subject, get whatever he had in his mind out. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, does he really talk about me?” Clay rubbed his temples with wide and hazy eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t tell George I told you, but yeah he talks about you a lot. When I saw a lot I mean, <em> a lot </em> Clay.”</p><p> </p><p>“He does? Fucking hell.” Clay slowly closed his eyes and kept rubbing his temples.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay dude?” Alex walked over to Clay, putting his hand on the taller blonde’s back and rubbing comforting circles.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I just need some Advil or something. I have such a shit headache.” Clay started to turn around and walk up his stairs.</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t from smoking last night, was it? How much did you smoke after I left?”</p><p> </p><p>“Two more.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit Clay, you need to watch yourself really.” </p><p>Yeah, he really does. Clay watched his father choose that path, he watched his family fall apart afterward as well. He didn’t want to put his friends through that, he didn’t have anyone else living with him but he did have George and Sapnap coming over in what? A little less than a month? Clay didn’t even remember when the flights were scheduled, his head hurt too much to think much.</p><p> </p><p>Alex followed Clay up his stairs and towards his room, then following as he walked in and sat on the bed he had just sat on a matter of hours prior. Alex looked around, soon sharply inhaling as he noticed the beer bottles and vodka on the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit, Clay! Did you drink all of this last night!?” Alex asked while picking the white bottle up, inspecting the clouded glass and the contents inside of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Feel free to have some dude, I’m not gonna drink anymore at least for tonight.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay made his way to his bathroom, opening the door and squeezing his eyes together as he turned the light on. He slowly opened his eyes to the bright white bulbs shining over the mirror, his gaze moving to his reflection.</p><p> </p><p>Clay was wrecked. His dirty blonde hair sticking up in random places, deep bags set underneath his eyes, his eyes were bloodshot and the typical blues and greens in his eyes were slightly less vibrant.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde just groaned as he moved himself to his medicine cabinet and opened it, looking through until he found a small, blue bottle. He slowly opened the top to reveal even smaller, deeper blue pills. Clay tipped the bottle and stuck his finger inside, grasping onto a capsule and pulling it out. He closed the bottle and stuck the pill in his mouth, leaving it there for a second before turning on his sink and swallowing the water along with the pill.</p><p> </p><p>Clay groaned once again before grabbing a hair tie from the door handle and bundling together his hair. Pulling on his hair hurt considering his head was pounding but Clay knew this would help later. Clay carefully brought his tangled hair back and tied it up into a messier bun. He only tied the very top of his hair up, leaving the rest to rest easy against his scalp.</p><p> </p><p>“Alex? Why were you worried?” </p><p> </p><p>No response</p><p> </p><p>“Alex?”</p><p> </p><p>Clay peered his head around his doorframe, only to be met with a sleeping Alex spread across his bed. Clay just smiled and went back to fixing his hair. </p><p> </p><p>Once he had finished he walked over to his bed and reached down to lift Alex’s legs, slowly sliding them underneath the light grey comforter. Alex only shifted slightly, but he didn’t wake up. A heavy exhale came from him before he stopped moving. Clay turned around and walked back to the bathroom, this time closing the door and shoving a towel at the very bottom to block the open slit underneath it.</p><p> </p><p>Clay shuffled through his things before finding his clippers and turning them on, the low rumble coming from them let Clay know it was charged and ready for use. The blonde stood up and grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his neck, using a safety pin and pinning it so the towel would stay. Clay finally bent over and rolled up his carpet, revealing a cold and clean tile floor. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had done this so many times before, cutting his own hair was a thing he likes to do. He didn’t do it because he couldn’t afford to go to the barbers, oh god no, he just liked having that time to himself, and having the control was good to him.</p><p> </p><p>There was a second between Clay lifting his arm and pressing the metal to the side of his head where he just thought about anything and everything. There was one topic that kept coming back to him, <em> George. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> George is worried sick </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> George thinks about me </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> George hasn’t stopped calling </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> George </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> George  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>George</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay flipped the switch and felt the soft humming against his scalp slowly move back and disconnect, feeling hair falling from the side of his head. He repeated the process until both sides of his head were short to his liking, then Clay turned around and started on the back. He didn’t waste any time, considering Clay had been cutting his own hair for such a long time he didn’t really need to learn how to maneuver the clippers. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It had taken Clay around thirty minutes to make sure everything was cut perfectly before he turned the clippers off, the room instantly going silent. It felt weird to Clay, the room being quiet after being filled with hums and quiet cutting from his hair. </p><p> </p><p>Clay cleaned everything off and took both the towel and his shirt off. He looked down at his body, examining every little thing about himself. He was analyzing himself as he had done with anyone else, the only difference was that Clay was a lot harsher with himself than he would ever be with others. He took his hand and ran it along his stomach, feeling the smaller layer of fat that was accumulating. His mind was already racing and this was only making more thoughts pop into his head.</p><p> </p><p>Clay didn’t have extremely defined abs, but he wasn’t extremely overweight either. He was in the range of being just slim enough where he couldn’t be put in either category. Clay removed his gaze from his body and looked into the mirror, scanning himself to see what others see when he is in the same position, only to be disgusted with himself and closing his eyes. His mind wandered, not specifically thinking about anything but just having flashes of each thought before moving onto the next. Clay kept falling back to the thoughts from before. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> George. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Clay opened his eyes and before he saw himself in his mirror he turned the lights off, the room going dark. There wasn’t much light but just enough to where he could maneuver his way to the door and open it. Clay stepped into the dimly lit bedroom, gazing over to see Alex still asleep on his bed. Clay smiled and walked over to his closet, throwing his shirt into his laundry basket and picking out a random shirt. He held onto the shirt as he went downstairs to grab the broom, coming back upstairs only to sweep up the hair that was on the floor, only to return downstairs to put the broom away. </p><p> </p><p>Clay found himself back in the bathroom kneeled in the shower and rinsing his head off as he washed all of the small hairs off of himself. Water created streams down his back as he attempted to rinse off the leftover hairs. Clay stopped the shower and grabbed a new towel, starting to wipe off the water from himself. He needed to shower, but Alex was over and he was not going to do that while he had him over. Clay stood up and hooked the towel around his neck once he dried his back off. He stepped out of the bathroom only to find Alex sitting straight up on his bed, soon finding each other's gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit, now I see why George drools over you.” Clay watched as Alex’s eyes moved up and down, clearly checking him out.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up Alex, George doesn’t even know what I look like.” Clay rolled his eyes, Alex just laughed but turned serious.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, really? He hasn’t even seen your face?”</p><p> </p><p>Clay just shook his head, pulling the towel above his head and dried the back of his head off.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, well he has a week before he gets that face reveal.” </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, a week?” Clay walked over and picked his phone up, turning it on and gazing at the notifications that had been collected on his screen. </p><p> </p><p><strong> Georgie&lt;3 </strong> <em>87 missed calls</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> Karlos </strong> <em>15 missed calls</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> Pandas</strong> <em>56 missed calls</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> Georgie&lt;3 </strong> <em>100+ messages</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> Pandas </strong> <em>100+ messages</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> Quack </strong> <em>3</em><em>8 missed calls</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> Karlos </strong> <em>63 messages</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> Quack </strong> <em>40 messages</em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They all really did worry, didn’t they? </p><p> </p><p>Clay pressed on one of the notifications, and read the messages. He dropped his phone as tears swelled up in his eyes, soon dripping down his face as he realized what the messages meant. </p><p> </p><p>Clay soon dropped to his knees, the palms of his hands pressing into his eyes. He let out a sob as Alex rushed over and wrapped his smaller arms around the crying man, quietly whispering comforting words to try and calm Clay.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing seemed to calm him down, nothing could. The messages Clay had just read weren’t real to him. He couldn’t tell if he was crying out of happiness or because he was distressed. The messages replayed throughout Clay’s brain, on a loop that wasn’t going to stop any time soon.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <strong> Georgie&lt;3 </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Clay? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please answer </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You’re worrying all of us </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sapnap, Alex, me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hell, I even got Karl in on it too </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m scared for you Clay </em>
</p><p>3:58 am</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Clay?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You never take this long to respond</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Especially to me and the others</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m scared something happened</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You left so abruptly and left me to drown in my own questions</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And now you’re ignoring everyone?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s terrifying Clay</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m scared for you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I remember you cutting yourself off when you said that you loved me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then snapping at me, saying over and over again that you loved me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you think I don’t love you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cause I do Clay</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I really do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So please</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just answer someone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can’t afford to lose you Clay</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you Clay</em>
</p><p>6:25 am</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Little storytime for y'all</p><p>So while I was writing this my cousin called me sobbing and told me that their frog shelf fell down and that some of their frogs broke. They kept making jokes and getting mad at me for laughing. The funniest thing they said was “There’s chunks of frog on the floor, they’re dead!” and yelled at me cause I almost spat water everywhere.<br/>R.I.P forgs</p><p>Also, I created a playlist on youtube that has all the songs that (so far) will be included in this series. This includes:</p><p>Problems- DeathbyRomy (this story)<br/>Habits- Tove lo<br/>Domestic Bliss- Glass Animals (not copying Dakota or heatwaves, I just think the song is a good fit for my plans ahahhah)<br/>Bad Prescription- Hospital Bracelet<br/>Almost Home- mxmtoon</p><p>Here's the playlist link (copy and paste ig ??)<br/>https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIII0q2tT_SFm_n_gJgzKUx7ZuoGIh-Uy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. One Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The upcoming week was filled with panic and excitement, only one week until Clay met Sapnap and George for the first time. Clay had been waiting for such a long time for this day and now it’s finally here he couldn’t be anything more than ecstatic to see them. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had been rushing all around his house all day trying to make sure everything was in place. He was checking each cupboard, each nook and cranny to make sure there wasn’t any dust, everything was spotless. Too bad he had cleaned it almost too early, there was still five days till the other two were supposed to arrive. Clay felt as his phone vibrated in his pocket, soon pulling it out and reading a message from Sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pandas</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Dude what days did you get the plane tickets for?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> George says they might be wrong. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay’s heart skipped a beat. He quickly rushed up his stairs and burst into his room, running over to his computer and turning it on.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> There’s no way they’re wrong </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He said that they were right </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay found the receipt for the tickets.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> May 29th through June 11th </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Clay read through everything and took a picture, sending it to Nick.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Pandas</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Clay </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My flight is for the 29th through the 5th </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His is for 29th through the 11th </em>
</p><p>
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</p><p>Clay immediately was shot with guilt and anxiety. <em> He messed the tickets up. </em></p><p> </p><p>Clay was disconnected from his thoughts from a call, it was Sapnap. </p><p>
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</p><p>“Sap, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to mess up the tickets, I can return them and change the dates. I’m so-”</p><p> </p><p>“If you say that you’re sorry again I will punch you when I get there, shut the hell up. Clearly you didn’t mean to do it, it’s fine. George will be there for a week longer than me, it’ll be fine. Plus, that gives you guys time to fu-”</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap I will cancel this trip, shut the fuck up.” </p><p> </p><p>Both Clay and Sapnap laughed, it lightened the mood quickly. </p><p> </p><p>“We should probably call George and tell him huh.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah we should, discord?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you there Snapmap.”</p><p> </p><p>“Call me snapmap again and we’re going to have issues.” </p><p> </p><p>The call filled with laughter before Clay hung up, moving his mouse over to the bookmark and opening it. He texted George to let him know that they need to be in a call together.</p><p>
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</p><p>It wasn’t long before all three of them were in the call, joking around with each other before Clay reminded them of what they needed to talk about. </p><p> </p><p>“Guys, we need to talk about the tickets not whatever <em> this </em>is!”</p><p> </p><p>“Dream! We need to know how many bitches George has!”</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap what the hell!”</p><p> </p><p>Clearly, they were on topic and willing to talk about the plane tickets. </p><p> </p><p>“Guys, seriously though. This needs to be figured out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dream, so George leaves a week after I do. Unless that is a problem with plans or anything, you should be fine.” Nick's tone turned serious, there was still a background of playfulness.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I probably should’ve asked before I told you the date,” George spoke quietly, leaving Clay confused and speechless.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> George knew. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“George? You knew that it was a wrong date?” </p><p> </p><p>“Of course I did Clay. I just... I just..”</p><p> </p><p>“You what George? You gave me a wrong date and then it's a positive?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, I don’t know why you’re getting so upset-” Sapnap tried to reason, only to be cut off by the blonde.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap! This was supposed to be a trip for all three of us! Not just me and him, not just me and you! All of us!”</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, all of us will be together for two weeks still. Just because you and George are going to be alone for a week doesn’t change much. Why are you being such a bitch about this?” </p><p> </p><p>That sentence. That final sentence that came from Sapnap snapped Clay out of his fit of anger.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t know. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m like this. I-I’m sorry guys, I got to go.” </p><p> </p><p>“Clay-”</p><p> </p><p>“Dream wait!”</p><p> </p><p>Both were cut off while Clay left the call, tears swelling in his eyes as he sat back in his chair.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t help but feel like he was a horrible person. In the past week he had yelled at George over twice, he was getting angry at the most important people in his life for no reason. </p><p>
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</p><p>It had been a few hours since the call, both George had called Clay plenty of times; each time failing as he just pressed decline each time. The one call Clay decided to answer was Sapnap's, he waited a second before pressing accept.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, talk to me. What is going on.” Sapnap sounded concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t know Sap. This is the second time this <em>week </em>dude. I feel so shitty about it but I don’t know what is happening. I don’t want to yell at him while he’s here either. I don’t want to hurt him, that’s why I’ve gotten so upset about the whole thing. I’ve seen myself become this <em> monster </em>and if I pull this bullshit and I hurt him, I won’t be able to live with myself. I don’t even know how to feel right now, I’ve been struggling with too many emotions with him. So much happiness, pain, and dare I say, love. Fuck Sapnap I-I might have feelings-”</p><p> </p><p>A new and quieter voice came from the other end.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay?”</p><p> </p><p>It was George, <em> of course it was George. </em></p><p> </p><p>“What? Sap-”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not here Dream, he added me to the call and left. He heard nothing, I heard everything.”</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t sit well. Clay didn’t feel mad, or angry, he just felt <em> embarrassed.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“You know, we’ve always told each other that we would be here if one of us needed to talk, if something was going on that we would be the first people to come to, to talk to. What<em> happened?</em>” George sounded choked up like he was sad. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know George. I-I don’t know.” Clay let out a heavy sigh.</p><p> </p><p>This hurt, it hurt a lot. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay, I’m not sure what you think I’m going to do if you yell at me. But know for a fact I’m not leaving you anytime soon. Hell, did you not read my texts from last night? You know that has been a struggle of mine since we’ve known each other, and that I don’t just walk around telling everyone I love them.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know George, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“So whatever you’re scared of, whatever you <em> think </em>will happen between us while I’m there, I promise you that I’m not just going to leave you. That is a promise I won’t break.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you George, that- it means a lot right now.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know it does, that’s why I’m reminding you that I love you.” </p><p> </p><p>There was a silence between the two, it was a long and pained silence.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too George, thank you for everything.”</p><p>
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</p><p>About an hour went by of both of them in a call just talking about anything and everything, it’s Clay and George what do you expect. Most of it was just random things, nothing to do with the flights or trip in any sense. Clay checked the time, 9:59 pm. Clay still needed to take care of himself and so did George.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I should really go and get something to eat. Again, thank you George you have helped me so much.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course Clay, anytime.” </p><p> </p><p>“Bye Georgie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bye Dream.”</p><p> </p><p>They both left the call with the trail of giggles. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had hung up at the right time considering he got a text from Sapnap just then. Clay unlocked his phone and read the messages, his eyes going wide and his breath hitching. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pandas</b>
</p><p>
  <em> I just readjusted my flight </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m coming early </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wednesday </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was Tuesday, which means Clay had only one day before Sapnap was in Florida. </p><p> </p><p>One Day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Rejoice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clay woke up with multiple missed calls from Nick along with plenty of messages to read.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pandas</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Im getting ready to go to the airport, wake your ass up </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Its only a 2 hour flight </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You better be there </em>
</p><p>12:36 am</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Im getting on the flight now </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wake up dipshit </em>
</p><p>1:58 am</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I forgot how uncomfortable planes make me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Damn </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anyways I landed </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hope youre awake </em>
</p><p>4:46 am</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Clay? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Where the hell are you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I landed over 20 minutes ago </em>
</p><p>5:29 am</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Youre so lucky you gave me your address </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I wouldve killed you if you didnt </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hot damn dude </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ill be at your house in about an hour </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Then I can kick your ass for forgetting me </em>
</p><p>5:50 am</p><p>
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</p><p>It was almost 7 am when Clay finally woke up. Clay quickly sat up and got out of his bed, running to his bathroom and finding a hair tie. He quickly gathered his hair and put it in the smallest bun you could think of. He threw some freezing water on his face and rubbed his eyes to make it look like he didn’t wake up thirty seconds ago. He put on his typical clothes, a forest green hoodie with blue jeans. It wasn’t the most flattering outfit he had, but it worked for meeting his best friend of <em>god knows </em>how long. </p><p> </p><p>Rushing back into the bathroom, Clay grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste. Hastily putting the minty paste onto the dull bristles and fitting it between his teeth, he screwed the toothpaste closed and put it back in the drawer while reaching up and moving around the brush in his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had just finished washing off his toothbrush when he heard his front door open, startling him. Soon enough there was a loud thud, followed by the rush of footsteps running up the stairs. </p><p> </p><p>“Dreamy boy!” Sapnap rushed up the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>Clay turned the light off and stepped out of the bathroom, not even seeing Sapnap before he could feel him. Sapnap had practically jumped into Clay’s arms, almost knocking both of them onto the floor. </p><p> </p><p>“Fucking hell Sap! Calm yourself, Christ” Clay laughed, attempting to sit both him and the texas boy up.</p><p> </p><p>“What if I don’t want to hm Dream?” Sapnap peered up at Clay, his smile soon fading into a concerned look.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’ll have to make you, won’t I?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus! Fine, I’ll get up! You freak..”</p><p> </p><p>Clay and Sapnap both erupt into laughter, Sapnap scoffing at Clay’s quick response. They both stood up and once they found their balance, they embraced without falling to the floor. Laughter filled the room as the long-awaited meet-up finally started to sink in. </p><p> </p><p>“God, you’re so tall. Have you ever thought of shrinking?” Sapnap laughed as he pulled away from the blonde man.</p><p> </p><p>“Sap, I can’t just choose my height dumbass.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I know that! But have you ever just, I don’t know, shrunk?”</p><p> </p><p>Clay just laughed at Sapnap as he turned and walked away, soon headed down the stairs to show Sapnap around and to help him get settled in. </p><p>
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</p><p>It took them no time to get all of Sapnap’s things in the guest room, granted he is a texas kid who relies on the washing machine just a little too often. It was now around 7 pm after Sapnap woke up from his nap. Jet lag had hit him hard, probably the worst he has had in a while. Clay just decided to order some chinese, he got general tso’s while Sapnap got sweet and sour with an extra eggroll. </p><p> </p><p>It had only taken to food about thirty minutes before it arrived, making Clay pause the movie they were watching. Not that either of them were watching, both were just talking or doing something on their phones. Sapnap was calling back home to let everyone know he was okay and that Clay wasn’t some kind of kidnapper, Clay was just scrolling through his tagged on Instagram; something he hadn’t done in such a long time. Most of it was fanart or ship art of him and George or him and Sapnap. Granted he loved most of it, he would laugh at the super sexual ones and show Sapnap just to gross him out; he would gaze at the regular ones of him and George as catboys and dogboys, which only made him smile while a feeling of hurt pinged through his heart.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up, dude.” Sapnap said after swallowing a bite of chicken.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm? Oh, nothing. I’m just thinking about one art that I saw.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack shit, I have been friends with you for what? Ten years now? I know when you’re lying idiot.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay forced a smile as he looked at the tv, not speaking a word.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know why I changed my flights.” Sapnap spoke quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Clay forced a fake chuckle out as he shoved more rice into his mouth. Maybe shoving his mouth full of food would make Sapnap stop talking. </p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to talk about everything you tried to tell me before.”</p><p> </p><p>Bad idea.</p><p> </p><p>Clay choked on his rice and had to sit forward, shooting a glare at Sapnap as the dark-haired male looked back.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you wanted to talk about it, and you revealed a little more to George than what you wanted to. For that I do apologize, but you said it yourself, you have watched yourself turn into something- someone you don’t want to be. Let’s change it before George gets here.”</p><p> </p><p>Clay pushed his plastic container of rice and chicken away, pushing the palms of his hands into his eyes. Letting a long and drawn-out sigh leave his lips, slowly turning his head to Sapnap and removing his hands. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know Sapnap, I’m fine.” </p><p> </p><p>Clay can feel tears prick the sides of his face, stinging from the lack of sleep he had gotten in the past week. </p><p> </p><p>“You need to talk to someone Clay, even if it isn’t me. Hell, you know you could easily get into counseling or therapy. If it will help you, personally I think you should go. They could teach you coping mechanisms and how to not lash out-”</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap, I don’t need coping mechanisms. I’m <em> fine </em>.” Clay made sure to emphasize the word ‘fine’ this time.</p><p> </p><p>The new sternness in Clay’s voice was enough to throw anyone off, causing Sapnap to take a breath before speaking again.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen to yourself, this is the beginning of everything. You’re getting angry because I’m trying to help you, Clay. Did you hear your tone? Damn, I’m not your mom but I did nothing to deserve the amount of bullshit tone that just came out of your mouth. I’m help-”</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap, I don’t fucking need help okay? I don’t know how sick you take me for but I’m not in any way! Please can you just <em> not? </em> I don’t need therapy, I don’t need counseling, I don’t need your fucking help! I’m not a little fucking kid that needs to be babysat and needs help understanding their emotions! Now back the hell up and keep to yourself!” </p><p> </p><p>Clay stood up and snatched his food from the table, throwing it with more force into the garbage can. Clay’s quick change in movements and tone didn’t sit well with Sapnap, not from Clay at least.</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap always knew Clay as a laid-back dude, someone who didn’t let his emotions control him. Not this much at least. He knew that he was a strong lover, that his emotions could go over the edge sometimes, but never like this or this much. Clay could snap sometimes but he would always come back with a true apology, like mentioned, Clay was a strong lover. Clay was such a controlled person and seeing him like <em> this, </em>worried Sapnap way more than it should.</p><p> </p><p><em> But, </em>if Clay was going to be a bitch, then Sapnap would return the energy.</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap stood up and threw his food onto the table, spilling some rice out of the container. Sapnap looked towards Clay while the blonde rushed to the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay listen to me. I don’t know who the hell you think you are where you can just snap like that at one of the closest people to you, but I know for a fact I am <em> not </em>going to just stand here while you go and yell at me like I’m your fucking mom! I understand that you’re hurting because George doesn’t feel the same about you, I understand dude! You have to think that I’m living too! I have had my fair share of breakups and crushes, and you think you’re the only person in the world with feelings  just because George doesn’t tell you that he loves you and hops right on your dick!”</p><p> </p><p>Clay stopped walking, he turned and faced Sapnap. Tears swelling up in his eyes now. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay! Just because George doesn’t love you doesn’t mean you can just break everything off with everyone! I have been nothing but good to you, sure we fight and bicker but that’s what happens in friendships. You letting some dipshit boy make you act out like this not only hurts you but it hurts everyone as well! Think about when you disappeared, do you know how worried all of us were? Then to find out that you called Alex and bought drugs off of him? Then him rushing over and finding you hungover after smoking fucking four blunts and a whole bottle of vodka? Clay that’s terrifying!”</p><p> </p><p>Clay’s knees went weak and he grasped onto the railing on the wall. He tried to keep his balance steady.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay everyone is worried about you, and then for you to turn us away for what? Just for you to ghost us again? No, it’s not happening again Clay. Go run away in your fucking room, go finish off that bottle of vodka eh? Go back and roll another fucking blunt Clay, go back to your unhealthy coping. There’s more to life than fucking George and drugs! Maybe soon you’ll realize this, but until that you can drink and smoke the night away. Goodnight Clay, get your fucking shit together.”</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap and Clay shared a second of eye contact before he scoffed and walked off, soon hearing a door slam and Sapnap’s angered voice talking in the distance. Clay couldn’t understand what he was saying but he heard one sentence.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He’s so far gone, George. I don’t know what to do. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Panic and White Walls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>It was around four in the morning which meant that it was about nine for George, his flight would be leaving at any time if it hadn’t already taken off. It was about a nine-hour flight so he would be in Florida in the early afternoon. George’s plane was taking off, and Clay was struggling to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>He was trying not to collapse at the bottom of the stairs, his knees had gone weak and he could barely breathe. His mind started racing, everything he had said, everything that had happened within the past month was overwhelming. Clay knew he was being a horrible friend, that he had pushed everyone away and was being a complete asshole. Hell, he had just yelled at <em>Sapnap.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Clay’s thoughts were disrupted as he tried to listen to the conversation Sapnap was having, knowing it was about him. That’s when he heard it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He’s so far gone, George. I don’t know what to do. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Those words pierced through Clay’s mind, every thought he had scrambled as his knees gave out. His breathing became labored as his knees hit the floor, followed by the rest of his body falling on top of them. Clay reached his hands out and pushed them against the floor, trying not to get nauseous. His breathing sped up and he had started to tremble, tears pricked at his eyes and threatened to spill. Clay knew something like this was going to happen, he knew it yet he did nothing to stop it. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had tried his best to control his breathing, doing everything he had learned to do over the years, yet nothing was working. Clay couldn’t move, he couldn’t think, he could barely breathe, his whole body felt numb. Clay’s ears started ringing but he could hear the faint noise of a door opening and footsteps walking down the hallway. </p><p> </p><p>The blonde slowly moved his head up, only to see Sapnap walkout from the hallway. It didn’t take him long till he saw Clay kneeled on the ground, his puffy eyes staring back at the darker-haired male. </p><p> </p><p>It took no time for Sapnap to rush over and try and comfort Clay, pulling the taller man into a tight hug and rubbing his back. Sapnap started to speak, but Clay couldn’t hear it. Nothing was making sense in Clay’s mind, just constant degrading thoughts and “what if” situations. The only thing that Clay could feel was the little circles Sapnap was tracing on his back. His hand was removed for a second while he typed something on his phone, but it was soon returned in the same motions as before. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had tried to stand up, he had tried to brush the whole situation off like it wasn’t happening. Each time he tried, he was just met with the cold and wet flooring from before. Clay was hanging his head down low and only moved it to make eye contact with Sapnap after a warm hand was placed on his cheek. </p><p> </p><p>Sapnap had put his hand right under Clay’s jaw and guided it up so they could lock eyes. Clay had started to focus a little and started to hear Sapnap’s soft voice again.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you hear me? Shake your head.” Sapnap was almost whispering, or he was just muffled from Clay’s ears. Clay nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, good. I called 911, they should be here soon. Just try and calm down for me, alright?” Clay looked up at Sapnap and just nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“Breathe with me, in.” Sapnap used his free hand to show Clay to inhale, which he followed.</p><p> </p><p>“Out, you’re doing good.” They both exhaled together.</p><p>
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</p><p>It wasn’t long before there was knocking on the door. Sapnap stood up and rushed over to open it, letting a few paramedics into the house and showing them over to Clay. As soon as Clay saw the paramedics he started to panic again, his breathing became labored and he started to shake again. Clay has never really liked hospitals or anything, especially ambulances.</p><p> </p><p>He could barely hear the soft voices surrounding him, they were probably trying to calm him down but it wouldn’t work. They were paramedics, and they were tied to a hospital scenario, which would only work him up more. </p><p> </p><p>Clay was frozen, he couldn’t move. The only way they had gotten him even close to the stretcher was by wrapping their arms onto his and moving him against his will. Clay’s vision had gone from blurry to sharp, he was snapped back to reality. He quickly grasped hold onto the situation and knew that one person could calm him almost instantly; he had done it before so Clay knew he could do it now. </p><p> </p><p>“Geo-” Clay tried to speak through sharp, heavy breaths.</p><p> </p><p>“Sir, could you repeat that?” One of the paramedics spoke as she started to secure Clay to the stretcher.</p><p> </p><p>“Geo-Geor-” Clay kept getting cut off by his own breathing, but Sapnap was there, and he knew what Clay was trying to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, oh! Here let me call his friend. Clay I don’t know if he’ll pick up, he’s on a flight.” Sapnap spoke as he looked around for his phone. He quickly picked it up and started searching for one contact. </p><p> </p><p>Sapnap quickly started pressing at different spots on his phone then brought it up to his ear, he held it there for a moment with a specific look on his face. A look of disappointment, almost like he had no hope George would pick up. The look on his face would only cause Clay to start breathing heavier, which was surprisingly possible. </p><p> </p><p>They waited, Clay becoming more panicked and anxious each second that passed. Sapnap didn’t change his expression the whole time, just the same face. His lips pressed together, his eyes shooting up once in a while to look at Clay, fidgeting with his hoodie string while the monotone sound rang through his ears.</p><p> </p><p>Clay was about to be pushed out of his house and put into the ambulance when he took one last look at Sapnap, the man's eyes were now full of hope and relief.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh thank god. George, Clay needs you really bad. Here.” Sapnap reached over and handed Clay the phone. Clay took it in a shaking hand. </p><p> </p><p>“H-Hey George.” Clay’s voice shook as he spoke, his words were airy.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay? Are you okay? What happened?” George’s voice was full of worry, but it was hushed. Clay could hear the rummaging of items and movement. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I-I just need you to talk for a little bit, please?” His voice was now soft and weak, probably from the severe amounts of panic that was just coursing through his body.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, what do you want me to talk about?” </p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t know, I just need you to t-talk.” Clay was stuttering, trying to calm himself. He looked up at the paramedic he spoke to earlier and nodded his head, letting them know they can escort him out of his house. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, so the plane is very nice. You got me a really nice seat Dream, so thank you. They have been treating me so well here, it’s amazing really.” George spoke like he was in awe of the plane.</p><p> </p><p>Clay watched as Sapnap picked up the keys from the wall and followed everyone out, but instead of following inside the ambulance he sat into Clay’s car. Clay started to breathe slower and he felt a lot better than earlier. Listening to George speak was definitely a safe space for Clay, George was a safe person for him. </p><p>
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</p><p>A few minutes went by of George rambling about his flight and how nice it was, the whole time Clay would hum in response and focus on his breathing. Clay was doing a lot better now, they were only a few minutes out from the hospital and Clay was clearly improving. Even the paramedic was sitting and just observing Clay while they drove. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had forgotten that George was on a plane and he was in the bathroom, he only remembered when there was a soft knock and George speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, Clay I have to go. You’re gonna be okay, alright?” George spoke quietly into the phone.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Go George, I’ll be okay.” Clay responded, clearly starting to get worked up again. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I’ll text you when I land. I’ll be there soon, don’t worry.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know George, I’ll see you soon. Bye.” Clay did his typical ‘bye’ before hanging up. Tears immediately blurring his vision. He knew the paramedic put her hand on his shoulder, but he couldn’t feel it. The whole process repeated, Clay’s whole body started to go numb while he started breathing fast and crying.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, we need to get there soon. He’s started again.” The paramedic spoke, hearing a hum from the driver before returning to her seat again.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey baby, we’re only a minute from the hospital. Can you stay strong for me and try and take a deep breath? Through your nose, out your mouth.” She instructed, keeping a close eye on Clay.</p><p> </p><p>He attempted to do what she said, only to start gasping for air in the middle of breathing. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s okay, that’s okay. Let me tell you something, when we get to the hospital there are going to be plenty of people who are going to be asking you a lot of questions. We’re gonna need you to answer them as soon as you can okay?” The paramedic spoke softly, like she had dealt with these things before.</p><p> </p><p>Clay nodded, only to register that they were going to the hospital and he would be alone in a room with strangers. His breathing picked up again, but he quickly regained control.</p><p>
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</p><p>They had just arrived at the hospital, the doors swung open and Clay was pulled from the back of the truck. Clay’s breathing sped up incredibly, his mind became fuzzy along with his vision. As soon as the hospital was in Clay’s view, he became hysterical. His breathing was faster than ever, his hands were shaking, everything was blurred, his ears were ringing, and he had started begging not to go inside. </p><p> </p><p>“Please, please, don’t make me go inside. Please..” Clay trailed off as they pushed him inside, he tried to control his cries the best he could. Clay had pushed his eyes shut, trying to forget he was in a hospital. </p><p> </p><p>Just like the paramedic had said, as soon as he was pushed into a room and transferred to a bed, he was bombarded with questions. The only ones he could hear were the few from the soft voice that made its way into Clay's conscious.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you tell us your name?” A foreign voice spoke over all other noises. </p><p> </p><p>“C-Clay.” Clay’s voice was shaking, he still hadn’t opened his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you open your eyes for me? I need to check your pupils.” The voice was soft.</p><p> </p><p>It took Clay a few seconds before he had slowly opened his eyes, he saw a few nurses around and the doctor. She had a warm smile on her face and a small flashlight in her right hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I’m gonna shine this light in your eyes now.” She did so, Clay saw small dots for a while after. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had gotten light-headed, he was nodding his head as he was on the verge of passing out. He could hear the doctor's voice telling him to stay awake, but he couldn’t. With everything that had happened within the past day, the panic attacks alone were exhausting, Clay was just so tired. He had passed out not long after, finally giving in to his exhaustion.</p><p>
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</p><p>It was now around 12 pm when Clay woke up, he was obviously confused but soon the memories came flooding back. Clay slowly started to sit up and looked around. He took in the look of the room, the white walls too bright for his sore eyes, the white and blue tiles were just as bright. The bed was covered in two blankets, one was a softer white and the other was a lighter shade of blue. The bed was uncomfortable, the pillow felt like it was stuffed with paper and the bed overall just felt hard, but what could you expect from a hospital bed. Clay still had an uneasy feeling in his stomach because he was in the hospital, but he started to feel better when he heard movement from one side of the room. </p><p> </p><p>Clay turned his head and saw Sapnap sitting up from a couch not too far from his bed, he rubbed his eyes in an attempt to wake up. Sapnap’s eyes were puffy, it was obvious he had been crying before he fell asleep. It wasn’t too long before they both made eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning,” Clay said, his voice was slightly raspy from his panic attacks just before. </p><p> </p><p>“Morning,” Sapnap replied, his voice was raspy as well.</p><p> </p><p>“You doin okay? Last night was a lot.” Clay tried to sit up more, but he failed and just laid back down.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I was just scared last night. I haven’t seen you like that before.” Sapnap stood up and walked over to Clay, pulling a chair behind him. Sapnap put the chair down and sat in it, he just looked up at Clay. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for scaring you dude, I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.” </p><p> </p><p>“Neither did I dude. Don’t apologize, I know how hard it can be to overcome a panic attack and you had multiple last night.” Sapnap just looked down at his phone, realizing the time. He shot up, looking for the car keys he had thrown onto the table hours ago.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you going?” Clay watched as Sapnap took large strides towards the door.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I have to go and pick up George, it’s 12:48.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quick explanation.<br/>Clay is sorta in denial about his feelings for George, but he's in a rough spot mentally because he thinks George doesn't like him back. That's why he keeps lashing out and such. He doesn't mean to, it just kinda happens. Clay only realizes he lashed out is afterwards or right when someone puts him in his place. Dw, Clay is only gonna be a dick like this for a few more chapters, then he's gonna be a whole lot worse ;]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. He's Gorgeous</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clay was left in that bright room while Sapnap ran out to go get George from the airport. It was about a 30-minute drive so Clay had an hour to keep himself together. Clay tried to move around and get into a comfortable position so he could try and fall asleep again, which was almost impossible considering he was in the hospital and he was only an hour away from meeting his best friend. To waste time Clay grabbed his phone and turned it on, quickly opening twitter to see anything others have posted since he was in the hospital. Clay didn’t know if Sapnap had told the others, he did know George knew, but that was it. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long for the app to load, and for the tweets to fill his screen. He had seen the other tweets from his friends, but there was one from Sapnap that caught his eye almost immediately.</p><p> </p><p><b>Sapnap</b> <em>@sapnap</em></p><p>Hey guys, Dream isn’t doing so well right now so it may be a bit till either of us stream. There should be a video going up on the channel today but other than that the Dream Team might be a little absent for a while. Sorry :/</p><p>
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</p><p>Dream liked the tweet and kept scrolling, seeing the hashtags and other tweets from his fans. Some saying that he is taking a break, others were saying that something bad had happened to him, then of course there were a few haters but that was typical. There were also tweets from some of his friends speaking about the situation.</p><p>
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</p><p><b>GeorgeNotFound</b> <em>@GeorgeNotFound</em></p><p>Don’t worry guys, Dream is doing okay. He isn’t dying or anything, just a little scare. He is doing okay right now, like Sapnap said we may be absent for a while. Thank you for your support :]</p><p>
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</p><p><b>Karl :)</b> <em>@KarlJacobs_</em></p><p>Stop asking the other ccs what happened to Dream, this is news for us too. We haven’t been updated on anything either. If and/or when they come out and say what happened then that’s when we’ll know, love you guys&lt;3</p><p>
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</p><p>Clay then pressed on the blue button at the bottom of his screen, soon typing out an explanation. Once he thought it was well written, he pressed send and turned his phone off. He laid on his side and snuggled up to the paper-like pillow. Soon drifting back into a soft sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>George had just gotten off the plane, walking over to the luggage area to find his bags. He had a light blue suitcase along with a darker blue duffle bag. He quickly found both and picked them up, placing them by his side and bringing them to a nearby seat. George took out his phone and texted Sapnap, letting him know where they should meet at. Sapnap responded quickly, saying he was only a few minutes away. </p><p> </p><p>The anxiety of meeting both Clay and Sapnap had already settled in, now he was just ecstatic to finally see them face to face. George couldn’t stop fidgeting with his fingers, he had stopped after his phone buzzed. It was Sapnap saying he was in the airport and going to their meeting spot right now. The anxiety had returned, it wasn’t overwhelming, but it was still uncomfortable. </p><p> </p><p>George had completely forgotten he was supposed to be looking for Sapnap, he was just sitting in a chair thinking about every scenario that could possibly happen. He soon snapped out of it when he felt a warm hand being placed on his shoulder. George’s head shot back as he looked up at the slightly taller man, his eyes growing wide with excitement. </p><p> </p><p>“George! Hi!” Sapnap smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap oh my god! Hi!” George stood up and pulled Sapnap into a hug.</p><p> </p><p>They both shared laughs as they embraced, both not wanting to let go at all. Eventually, they did let go and they just looked at each other for a second before George started to look around, looking for Clay. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, did Clay not come?” George asked while peering back at Sapnap’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, we haven’t told you. Come, I can explain everything on the way back.” Sapnap held his hand out for George to hold onto while they walked out of the crowded airport.</p><p>
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</p><p>Soon they both made it out of the airport and back to Clay’s car, both shoving George’s things into the back and climbing into the car. They buckled their seatbelts and Sapnap started to drive. </p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap?” George asked in a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah? What’s up George?” </p><p> </p><p>“What happened to Clay?” George looked over at the dark-haired man, only to see his eyes soften and his expression drop. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to-”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I need to. You were the one that calmed him down a bit this morning.” Sapnap spoke softly like he was about to cry, which George understood.</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap went on to explain everything that had happened, from the argument to Clay calling him. </p><p> </p><p>“We had to call an ambulance too, so he’s in the hospital right now.” Sapnap looked down at both of their phones as they vibrated in sync. </p><p> </p><p>George picked up his phone and unlocked it, opening twitter and reading out the tweet Clay had just posted.</p><p> </p><p>“Just wanted to let you guys know that I’m okay and that everything will be okay, just a few things happened where I had to be hospitalized. You all know George is coming over too along with Sapnap already being here, now me being in the hospital, we all are going to be busy with each other. Please be patient with us, especially with this unexpected trip to the hospital things might get a little hectic. But hey, go check out some of our other friends! Niki is streaming, go show her some love for me&lt;3”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, he’s in the fucking hospital and he is still supporting friends. He’s selfless, a little too selfless, which is terrifying.” Sapnap spoke, laughing a little bit at the end to relieve some tension that was building in the vehicle.</p><p> </p><p>George just smiled, he knew what happened to Clay which was terrifying to him but he knew that he helped Clay which made him feel slightly better. It wasn’t long before they arrived at the hospital. George quickly got out and waited for Sapnap to get out too, they both walked up to the white building. They walked up to the nurse sitting at a desk right inside the building.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, how may I help you?” The nurse spoke softly.</p><p> </p><p>“We are here to visit a patient. His name is Clay, I was here earlier with him. I know what room he’s in and everything cause I came in with him earlier this morning.” Sapnap responded, looking over at George with a soft expression.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh okay, and who is this?” The nurse gestured over to George.</p><p> </p><p>“His name is George, he’s coming to visit with me.” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, you two can go up to the room then.” The nurse smiled at the boys before going back to typing on her computer. </p><p> </p><p>George turned and looked at Sapnap and followed as they walked over to an elevator. They got in and Sapnap pressed a button on the wall, soon the doors closed and it started to move. The elevator doors opened and they walked out, George following Sapnap while they walked down a hall. Soon they made it to a room, the room number was 44. Ironic. </p><p> </p><p>Sapnap opened the door slowly, not wanting to scare Clay. Once Sapnap had looked in and noticed Clay, he opened the door more and walked in. George slowly walked in and looked over to the bed, noticing the man laying on his side. George’s eyes widened and he walked over to the bed, gazing down at the dirty blonde who was quietly snoring. </p><p> </p><p>Something hit George. Maybe it was just the excitement of seeing Clay for the first time, or maybe it was just admiration of his best friend. If anything George knew Clay was <em>gorgeous. </em> There he was snuggled up against the thin pillow, the way his hair laid perfectly against his face and sprawled across the pillow, the way he was just so effortlessly <em>perfect.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“George?” His name rang throughout his ears, snapping George out of his trance.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yeah?” He responded like he was not just admiring his sleeping friend.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay? You haven’t been responding to me when I was saying your name.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay. This is the first time I’m seeing him so I’m just, I don’t know, amazed?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, okay. I was gonna ask you what you wanted to eat if you’re hungry.” Sapnap looked down at his phone.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh I don’t care, I don’t know what you guys have to eat around here.” George looked back at Sapnap, then walking over to a seat and sat down.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll just go and get some Wendy’s, it isn’t far from here. Here’s the menu.” </p><p> </p><p>George grabbed Sapnap’s phone and scrolled through the menu, soon telling Sapnap what he wanted. Sapnap stood up and walked over to the door, turning back and looking at George.</p><p> </p><p>“If anything happens, tell Clay to call me or call me yourself okay?” George nodded and looked over at the sleeping man.</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap then left, leaving George alone with his sleeping friend. He took out his phone and went on twitter, looking at trending to see multiple hashtags about Clay trending. It made him smile, clicking on them and seeing the overwhelming support not only to him and Sapnap but mainly to Clay. He tapped on the blue button and then proceeded to type.</p><p> </p><p><b>GeorgeNotFound </b> <em> @GeorgeNotFound </em></p><p>Thank you for the support, Clay is doing well right now. I made it safely to America and currently waiting for Sapnap to get back with food, you all are amazing&lt;3</p><p>
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</p><p>George tweeted out before turning off his phone and setting it down on a small table close by. He huddled up in the chair, bringing his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. George rested his head on his knee and arm, his eyes grew heavy before he let his eyes drift close and finally falling asleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for the support on this story, I was nervous to start writing it but I don't regret starting to write it at all so thank you guys&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Clay woke up to Sapnap shaking him awake, it was soft enough where it wouldn’t scare Clay but hard enough to wake him up.</p><p> </p><p>“Get up dude, you’re getting released soon,” Sapnap spoke softly like he didn’t want to wake anyone.</p><p> </p><p>“I am? Cool.” Clay sat up and rubbed his eyes then stretched.</p><p> </p><p>Clay wasn’t paying much attention to Sapnap after he walked away, he only focused on him when Sapnap started talking to someone else.</p><p> </p><p>“George, get up. We’re leaving soon.” Sapnap’s words were followed with a faint groan from the other. Clay quickly looked over to see a dark-haired boy start to sit up and yawn, his hair falling into his face and his shirt falling into place across his body. Clay just started for a second while his brain processed who was waking up.</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap noticed the look of awe in Clay’s eyes and decided against saying anything, he just waited till George noticed Clay. Neither Sapnap or Clay had to wait long before George turned his head and connected his eyes with Clay. </p><p> </p><p>“George?”</p><p> </p><p>“Clay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap!” Clay snickered as Sapnap joined in.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re actually here,” Clay spoke softly like he wasn’t trying to frighten a small animal. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I am, you’re-” George cut himself off with a sharp exhale followed by a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Gorgeous.” George finished his sentence with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay and now it’s time to clean the room up! George, grab your shit and put your shoes on. Clay, go change out of your diaper and put some actual clothes on.” Sapnap scoffed as he started to gather the trash that had accumulated throughout the night.</p><p> </p><p>The three all cleaned up and got their things together, Clay had lost his breath a few times but Sapnap was right there to make sure he was okay afterward. Soon enough the doctor came in and talked to the three, letting them know that they should help Clay through the next few days and what to do if he does have another panic attack. All three understood and they were sent on their way, quickly grabbing their things and walking out of the hospital. </p><p> </p><p>It was a normal day for Florida, around 85 degrees, causing George to complain in the slightest. The three quickly made their way to the car and got in, Sapnap drove while Clay laid in the back with his head on George’s lap.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys need to stop making me the third wheel, George hasn’t even been here a full day and I’m already alone.” Clay’s face heated up as Sapnap spoke, causing him to look at George. His face was just as red as Clay’s. </p><p> </p><p>“S-Shut up Sapnap.” George fumbled on his words, causing Clay to start laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you laughing at Mr. PDA?” Sapnap blurted, quickly regretting his decision considering he is driving.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh really? How about I hug you?” Clay sprung up from George’s lap, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Sapnap’s neck; squeezing hard enough where Sapnap can feel the pressure but not enough to hurt him.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus! Clay I’m driving!” Sapnap swerved slightly, causing Clay to fall back with a loud wheeze.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, he’s dying Sapnap! What did the doctor say to do?!” George spoke in a mockingly panicked tone.</p><p> </p><p>“I think he said mouth to mouth, didn’t he?” Sapnap chuckled under his breath slightly.</p><p> </p><p>No one else said anything, Clay stopped wheezing and George had stopped moving. The only sound was the sound of Clay’s car driving over the rough road and Sapnap’s soft chuckles. Both boys in the backseat looked at each other, almost in a trance. They just stared into the other's eyes, neither wanting to break the ties they had created within those few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“You guys know I was joking right? Don’t you dare start kissing or something.” Sapnap’s words causing George to look up, Clay’s heart dropped in disappointment.</p><p>
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</p><p>No one else spoke for the rest of the ride, Sapnap steadily drove while George gazed out the window and Clay taking glances over at the other boy. It didn’t take them much longer before they had returned to Clay’s house, everyone easily getting out of the car and quickly making their way back into a cooled building. </p><p> </p><p>“God is it hot out there,” Sapnap spoke quickly, looking over at the others inside the house. </p><p> </p><p>Of course, Clay was staring at George and George was looking around the large room.</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap strode over and punched Clay, a small ‘ow’ being whispered under his breath. </p><p> </p><p>“Snap out of it you damn simp. I need to talk to you tonight.” Sapnap spoke softly before walking over and taking the bags from George.</p><p> </p><p>“Come with me, I’ll show you around while Clay settles down.” Sapnap shot a quick glance at the blonde, then looking over to George who was nodding. </p><p> </p><p>They quickly walked off in the direction of Clay’s room, curious, Clay followed. All three quickly made their way to Clay’s room.</p><p> </p><p>“All right! Here you go, Georgie.” Sapnap had a wide grin on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“It looks like its already-”</p><p> </p><p>“Occupied, he knows, It’s my room.” Clay cut George off and shot a glance at Sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>“Like you don’t want him to sleep with you dreamy boy.” Sapnap quickly made his way out of the room after he finished speaking. Clay stood there for a moment, processing the sentence he had just said, but quickly turned and launched himself after the other boy. George just stood in the middle of the bedroom, admiring the room itself but more importantly the <em> smell. </em></p><p> </p><p>While Clay and Sapnap were chasing each other around the house George was standing in the middle of Clay’s room, admiring everything. From his pc on a clean desk to the large bed right in front of him. George gazed around looking at the pale grey walls and the fairly clean room. There was a door that lead off from the bedroom, and George decided to explore a little bit. </p><p> </p><p>He slowly made his way over to the door, opening it and peering inside. There was clean tile across the floor along with a bright white countertop surrounding a sink. George looked up at the mirror, fixed his hair slightly, then quickly looked out the door. There was a loud bang, Clay clearly saying something along the lines of “Ow what the fuck!?” then Sapnap’s giggles getting closer to the room. The giggles and patter of quick footsteps came closer until they came into the room. George poked his head out to see Sapnap jumping onto the bed, followed by a larger figure flying across the air. Everything happened so fast the only thing George could register was Sapnap’s scream, then large huffs of air and whining as both boys started to calm down. </p><p> </p><p>“You guys good now?” George spoke while walking out of the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Sapnap’s rib might not be but that’s what he gets.” Clay snickered while standing up, walking over to George’s bags and signaling for him to follow. </p><p> </p><p>“There are two other guest bedrooms, you can have the one right here across from me or the one across from Sapnap,” Clay gestured to the door in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know if I can take a room across from Sapnap, hearing a girls scream all the time would annoy me.” </p><p> </p><p>Both of the boys giggled as they heard some retaliation from Sapnap, but they brushed it off easily. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, the room across from me it is then.” Clay opened the door to reveal a tidy room. It looked similar to his, the walls were light and there was plenty of natural light coming in to reflect against everything. </p><p> </p><p>Clay held out George’s bags and showed him around the room, where all the basics are and stupid things like that. Clay laid down on George’s bed while the smaller boy started to unpack, only looking up when he heard small mumbles from the other. </p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes, George finally finished packing and was silently sitting on the floor. Clay peered over to a clock and checked the time, 7:57 pm. He then looked over the edge of the bed to see a quiet George laying on the floor, asleep. Clay chuckled to himself as he stood up and walked over to George, bending over and carefully picking the brunette up. Clay wasn’t surprised he could pick George up but he was surprised he was so light. </p><p> </p><p>Clay carefully put the sleeping boy on the bed and slowly pulled the covers over his body. George quickly adjusted and settled. Clay gazed at the boy, seeing how the dimming light laid across his features perfectly. </p><p> </p><p>Clay must have been standing there for a few minutes because when he turned around he saw Sapnap standing in the doorway watching them both. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, I think it’s a good time for us to talk. C’mon.” Sapnap signaled for Clay to follow him, which he did. </p><p> </p><p>They both made their way to the living room and sat down, Clay was in the corner where the couch formed an angle and Sapnap was sitting in one of the middle seats. </p><p> </p><p>“So, what do you want to talk about?” Clay looked over a Sapnap with a questioning face. </p><p> </p><p>“Have you heard of the birds and the bees, son?” Sapnap said in a lower tone, trying to sound older. Both just laughed at the failed attempt.</p><p> </p><p>“But seriously dude, you never want to talk like this unless it’s serious. What’s up?” Clay noticed the serious look on Sapnap’s face as he spoke, quickly catching on.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on between you and George?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you could tell, halfway through when Sapnap and Clay were chasing each other I switched perspectives from Clay to George then back to Clay. I think that I did a pretty good job at blending it so it isn't super recognizable, so I might start doing it a little more throughout this story just so you get little snippets of George's side too. They'll probably be chapters dedicated just to George or Nick but it's mainly from Clay's perspective.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. So Many Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on between you and George?”</p><p> </p><p>Clay’s breath hitched as he registered Sapnap’s words. He didn’t want to explain everything, yet he didn’t want to keep anything from Sapnap either. Now Clay was stuck with an issue, does he tell Sapnap and possibly get help with his feelings, tell Sapnap and lose his best friend, or don’t tell Sapnap and keep it to himself.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Clay didn’t want to lose Sapnap, they had known each other since they were very young. They had grown so close within the years of knowing each other they had grown an unbreakable friendship, or so Clay hoped. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, i-it’s complicated” Clay trailed off, looking down at his fidgeting hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Well George is asleep and you know how long he can sleep for, plus I’m your best friend. You know you can tell me anything.” Sapnap reached his hand over and put it on Clay’s, stopping him from fidgeting anymore. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, please don’t-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to judge you, you know I won’t dude. If you’re struggling with something then I’m here to help you. If I was any different then I would’ve booked a flight home and been at my house right now after you were hospitalized.” Sapnap cut Clay off, knowing what he was going to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not leaving you anytime soon” Sapnap whispered, it was comforting to Clay.</p><p> </p><p>Clay took a deep breath and exhaled. “I um, okay.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what’s going on between us, if I’m going to be honest Sapnap. We always flirt and I’ve always taken it in a jokingly way, it was only recently that I’ve started getting flustered when he would say something. I, um, I get really hot and nervous whenever I join a call when it’s just me and him; like I’m going to say something stupid and ruin everything between us. I’ve started shaking and getting super anxious before we stream together, then when I leave a call then I get super lonely and feel like I’m alone.” Clay started speaking faster, only did he stop to take a breath when Sapnap squeezed his hand just a little tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know how I feel about him, Sapnap. I-I’m so confused, I don’t even know if I like guys let alone <em> George </em>.” Sapnap just hummed in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I can’t really help you with that Clay. This is something you have to figure out yourself, I can’t tell you if you like guys or not, and I surely can’t tell you if you like George or not.” Clay made eye contact with Sapnap, sharing a soft glare before looking back down at their hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, I see how you act with him. I’ve been your friend for how long, over ten years? I’ve grown to learn your different reactions to certain things. I’ve learned how you act, <em> I’ve learned the Clay code. </em> How you interact with George is something that I don’t even know. It’s different than any other relationship I’ve seen you in.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I’ve noticed that too” Clay whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“My only worry is with everything happening, like how you snapped at me is going to happen with him. I know he loves you a lot Clay, but I don’t know if he is going to come back as quick as I did.” Sapnap started to rub comforting circles on Clay’s thumb.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m terrified of that, Sapnap. I’m terrified that something is going to happen where just like in high school.” Clay sniffed.</p><p> </p><p>Clay never really liked thinking back on high school, sure he met Alex and he was a popular kid but that didn’t mean he felt any better about it. High school was when Clay started to fail, his ADHD started to get worse, and that he fell into a depressive spiral. He could barely get anything done, he was surprised if he even made it to school most days. He would snap at people, hell he pretty much ghosted Sapnap for a whole month. It was one of the toughest things that he had ever gone through, and he was terrified of that happening again.</p><p> </p><p>“What part of high school? I know it was all really hard for you.” Sapnap spoke softly like he was talking to a sleeping child.</p><p> </p><p>“Where I was snapping at people and I started to lose contact with everyone. I don’t want to snap at George and disconnect from him as I did with you. I can’t lose either of you guys.” Clay sniffed again, his face growing warm and his vision going blurry.</p><p> </p><p>Sapnap quickly noticed that Clay had started to get worked up, that is when he pulled the blonde into a tight hug and stopped the conversation. They just sat there, Sapnap holding Clay, while the taller man dug his face into the shorters shoulder and cried. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had to admit, crying in the arms of Sapnap was such a comforting feeling. </p><p>
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</p><p>Before either of them realized it was 11 pm and they both had dozed off, Sapnap was still holding Clay as much as he could. Both boy’s backs were against the back of the couch, Clay’s head was resting on Sapnap’s shoulder, and the darker-haired boy’s arm around the other’s shoulder. They were comfortably asleep, nothing disturbed them either. Clay didn’t move when Sapnap slightly shifted, Clay didn’t wake when Patches walked across his lap, and Sapnap didn’t wake and pet Patches when she finally curled up on his lap. They were both soundly asleep, they were comfortable, and they were both doing okay.</p><p> </p><p>At that moment they both felt like they were okay, they were both doing great, nothing negative was happening in their lives, nothing bad was coming for them, nothing. Clay had just let out all of his emotions to one of the most trusted people in his life, and Sapnap slept well knowing what Clay was going through and knowing that Clay knew he could have mutualistic trust. </p><p> </p><p>The bond between Clay and Sapnap grew with more trust growing between them, now it was time to finally confront was Clay was feeling once and for all.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Everything described between Clay and Sapnap is completely mutualistic! Clay and Sapnap are just two homies cuddling after a swag cry session</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Week-long Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>That is how the rest of the time Sapnap was there went, they would laugh and travel, Sapnap falling on his ass at the skating rink and Clay bringing George down with him while they were laughing, George falling asleep before both of them and that’s when they would have mini therapy sessions to help Clay process what he was feeling towards George, most of the time they would fall asleep on the couch either with Clay’s head on Sapnap’s shoulder after crying or just them leaning on each other quietly snoring. A few times George would wake before they would, other times Clay would wake up and start his day. Sapnap on the other hand would always sleep in longer, normally waking up before George but sometimes the shorter boy would walk out and scare Sapnap awake.</p><p> </p><p>The first time George walked out on Clay and Sapnap sleeping together on the couch wasn’t horrible, George just brushed it off like it didn’t hurt him to see Clay cuddled up next to someone else. The next time George walked out right before Clay woke up, George had already seen them snuggled together. </p><p> </p><p>Clay had turned around, quickly making eye contact with George. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shit,” Clay whispered under his breath as George removed his eyes and kept walking to the kitchen. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, good morning George” Clay yawned, sitting up, walking over, and sitting on the countertop.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning Clay,” George said with no emotion behind his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything okay?” Clay spoke as if he didn’t just wake up in Sapnap’s arms.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m fine.” George turned around with a glass of water in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“George, I know you’re not okay so don’t try and trick me. You know you can talk to me right?” Clay hopped off of the counter and walked over to George, putting his hands on the brunette’s shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>“If you and Sapnap were a thing you could’ve just told me instead of keeping it away from me.” George spoke harshly like he was hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“I- George,” Clay was taken back by the words George had spoken, and how he had spoken them.</p><p> </p><p>“Plus you could’ve just told me that you weren’t straight, I thought that we were closer than you keeping so many important things from me Clay” George was clearly upset that he thought him and Sapnap were together, Clay couldn’t understand why George was so upset about it though. Clay thought that George would’ve been supportive but his tone and his overall reaction was enough to change his mind.</p><p> </p><p>In the midst of George speaking his mind his grip on the glass slipped, it falling to the floor and shattering. Clay flinched but quickly looked back up at George, Sapnap now peering over the couch and watching both of the others.</p><p> </p><p>“George, wait” Clay walked after George, who had taken off to go back to his guest bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Clay.” George turned around, tears streaming down his face as he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you would’ve talked to me, I thought you would’ve told me about you and Sapnap, I thought you would’ve talked to me about your feelings for him, but I guess not.” George started to shake, his voice was getting louder by the second. Before Clay responded George walked back to his guest room, Clay obviously chasing after him.</p><p> </p><p>“George, we aren’t together. Me and him aren’t dating, hell I don’t even have feelings for him! If you want to know so badly then I’ll tell you! I have feelings for someone, yes I do, but I can’t tell you because it will get so complicated. I don’t want to lose you, that’s why I haven’t talked to you about it!” George stopped in his tracks, turning around and facing Clay. Both had tears swelling in their eyes, George’s streaming down his face.</p><p> </p><p>“George, I’ve been questioning everything. That goes from my sexuality to my feelings! I haven’t talked to you about it because I’m afraid it will push you away, that’s why I’m hiding it from you. So please, don’t be mad at me. I’m trying so hard to push past this and help myself while having both of my best friends by my side.” Clay slowly walked up to George and put his hands on the other’s shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, don’t be mad at me or leave me. I can’t lose you Georgie” Clay’s voice cracked, it was clear he was crying at this point.</p><p> </p><p>George didn’t know what to do other than comfort his friend, so he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Clay’s torso. Clay followed suit and wrapped his arms around George’s back and head, holding the boy close to his chest; the fear of George disappearing when Clay let go slowly increasing as the boys stood in a warm embrace. What either of the boys didn’t notice was Sapnap standing behind them, his phone out and taking pictures of the two standing in the long-awaited hug. </p><p> </p><p>Both let go, George stepping back and refocusing his eyes on the other boy behind Clay. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit, Sapnap,” Clay turned to see the other with a bright red face, his phone out. </p><p> </p><p>“I got you guys!” Sapnap burst out laughing, Clay quickly running after him.</p><p> </p><p>“Come here Sapnap!” The dark-blonde screamed as he started running, George giggled and walked out to the living room to watch the two fight.</p><p>
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</p><p>It was now June 4th, one day before Sapnap’s flight home. It was twelve in the morning and George was asleep, meaning Clay and Sapnap were having their nightly talks. </p><p> </p><p>“You go back tomorrow,” Clay whispered after swallowing his mouthful of popcorn.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I do. Are you going to be okay? I can get a different flight,” Sapnap picked up a few pieces of popcorn and put them in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope so, I just don’t want to hurt him like I have before.” Clay felt guilty for all the times that he has hurt both George and Sapnap.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve seen how you’ve acted with both of us, plus we’ve been talking and I’ve been trying out the best that I can to help you understand the things between you and George.” Sapnap looked at Clay, both making eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“I can stay longer if you need me to, you know I will.” he offered, Clay shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you’ve already helped enough. You don’t need to stay, I’ll be okay. I promise.” </p><p> </p><p>“And you’re going to try and stay clean right?” Clay choked on some popcorn.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yeah, I’m going to try. For both of you guys” </p><p> </p><p>Sapnap took a long inhale and exhaled, neither saying another word. Sapnap just putting his head on Clay’s shoulder, both falling asleep quickly.</p><p>
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</p><p>Clay woke up, checking his phone and seeing the time. 9:38 am. Sapnap’s flight left at one and there was still about an hour’s drive from Clay’s house to the airport. Clay leaned over and softly shook the other awake, Sapnap making a fuss but sat up and stretched.</p><p> </p><p>“Today’s the day, make sure you have all of your things.” Clay stood up and walked over to the kitchen, getting out eggs and some bread along with other ingredients. </p><p> </p><p>“You sound like my dad when he was getting me ready for the flight over here,” Sapnap laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Well I’m just trying to make sure I don’t have your boxers in my room when you leave, that would be a weird package to send.” Sapnap scoffed at Clay’s remark.</p><p> </p><p>Soon footsteps were coming from the hallway, reaching the room then stopping. Clay turned around to see George in an oversized shirt with some shorts on. </p><p> </p><p>“Morning Clay” George yawned, Clay was just amazed at how good George looked in the mornings. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay, you going to respond?” Sapnap laughed as George sat down, Clay still staring. </p><p> </p><p>“O-Oh good morning George.” Clay snapped his head back around and started mixing the egg mixture in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you making?” George asked, Clay looking back then refocusing. </p><p> </p><p>“French toast” Clay quickly responded.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, do you have raspberries?” George stepped down from his chair and opened the refrigerator door.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, second shelf on the right I think.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup, mm they’re so good too” George said after eating a few berries.</p><p> </p><p>Clay quickly made the french toast and served it, Clay putting some butter on each of the pieces after pulling them out of the pan. Sapnap put syrup on his, Clay put some syrup and a few raspberries on top, and George just put raspberries on his. They all ate quickly and got dressed for their last day together fully.</p><p>
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</p><p>Time went by and before they knew it they had to leave to go to the airport. Clay watched as George struggled to drag one of Sapnap’s bags out to the car, both Sapnap and Clay stood back and laughed as George used his whole body strength to drag the suitcase out.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop laughing and help me! Clay!” George slipped and fell on the ground, causing Sapnap to start laughing harder. </p><p> </p><p>Clay started to walk towards George, then he started jogging before finally running towards the brunette. George had just gotten up from the ground went Clay wrapped his arms around the smaller waist, picking George and the suitcase up. George threw a fit and tried to wiggle his way out of Clay’s arms, which didn’t work. Clay laughed the whole time, Sapnap just walked and got into the car. </p><p> </p><p>When Clay got to the car he put George down, picked up the suitcase, and placed it into the trunk before closing it with a slam. Both Clay and George climbed into the car, Clay in the front seat and George in the back. The whole ride they all took turns playing different songs, Sapnap’s phone was connected to the car so whenever a song ended it would play another that no one else liked. Each time Sapnap would laugh then pause the song, George would groan and Clay would exclaim ‘what?!’ each time the song was some rap. </p><p> </p><p>An hour passed of bickering and fighting, singing and teasing, simple talking, and starting to plan another meet-up. There was plenty of laughter and experience sharing. But they finally reached the airport. Clay parked in a space and everyone got out, Clay and Sapnap got the baggage out from the trunk while George stood and waited for the others to start walking. They all made their way to the gate, going through the whole process before Sapnap had to say goodbye. </p><p> </p><p>George just hugged Sapnap and said his short goodbyes, Clay on the other hand, held onto Sapnap for longer. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna miss you pandas,” Clay giggled as the other smacked the blonde’s back.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna miss you too Dreamie poo, if you need anything just call me. It’s going to take me a bit to get back to my regular sleeping schedule plus I always wake up to your calls man” Clay nodded in Sapnap’s shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“If anything happens between you and him please call and talk to me, I’ll make an emergency fly back if need be. I’m here for you dude” Sapnap pulled back and made eye contact with Clay.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay?” he whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I promise.” Clay softly nodded, smiling at the shorter male. </p><p> </p><p>Before they knew the darker blonde started walking to his plane and Clay turned around to face George. Both started walking back to the car, Clay walked faster than George causing the brunette to fall behind. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay!” George yelped as he was pushed away, Clay turned around and started to look for George. </p><p> </p><p>“George!” Clay looked through the crowd before seeing a hand fly up. </p><p> </p><p>Clay quickly pushed his way through and interlocked fingers with the hand sticking out of the crowd. Clay gave a little tug and pulled George to his chest, both wrapping their arms around each other. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, I’ve got you” Clay whispered in George’s ear in a comforting tone. </p><p> </p><p>Clay pulled back and held his hand out, George put his hand in the other’s and followed behind as Clay quickly walked to the exit. As soon as they made it out they looked at each other and laughed, their hands still connected.</p><p> </p><p>“That was crazy oh my god!” Clay laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve always had a fear I was going to lose you in an airport” George spoke after catching his breath, they both started to walk back to Clay’s car.</p><p> </p><p>“Scared of losing me?” Clay chuckled, George just hummed in response.</p><p> </p><p>They both made it back to the car, only disconnecting hands to get into the car. Clay’s hand felt empty and cold when they got into the car, yet he didn’t say anything to George. Clay pulled out of the parking lot and started driving, soon getting onto the highway and starting their hour-long drive home.</p><p>
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</p><p>They were about five minutes away from Clay’s house, neither of them had said anything to the other. They just sat, George looked out the window and Clay was focused on the road, the soft hum of the car driving and the soft music playing over the radio kept them company while they sat for fifty minutes. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Clay?” George finally spoke up, redirecting his vision to the road.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh- Oh, What’s up?” Clay looked over to George then back in front of himself. </p><p> </p><p>George took a deep breath before speaking again, causing more anxiety to build up in Clay’s stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“You know I wasn’t asleep most nights when you guys would talk. I’ve heard quite a bit of those conversations, I’m sorry if that’s a huge invasion of privacy but I just couldn’t step back.” George looked over to Clay, quickly looking back at the road.</p><p> </p><p>“George,” Clay breathly spoke. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay, I’m sorry but I-I don’t like you like that. I’m so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OOO CLAY GOT REJECTED WHAT HE GONNA DOOOO<br/>get ready for some severe angst in the next few chapters my friends, hopefully ending this book then starting the second part of this series &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Burden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is written in George's perspective, there's also description of negative thoughts. Be safe &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>He knew it was a lie. George couldn’t keep lying to himself, he fell so hard for Clay that now he is pushing the feelings away. The conversations George overheard had sparked some hope in his mind, before one night where his world collapsed. </p><p> </p><p>It was the first of June when George snuck out of his room to listen to Clay talk to Sapnap. George would sit right against the wall of the hallway, the wall hiding him but not blocking the sound of the others speaking. There was silence before Clay spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know Sapnap, you know how bad I have it for him, but I just can’t tell him. It’ll ruin everything between us, I can’t lose him Sapnap,” There was a shake in the blonde’s voice, one that chiseled its way into George’s heart.</p><p> </p><p>“I know Clay, but you can’t keep bottling everything up. It isn’t healthy at all, just talk to him. Trust me I know how hard it is to talk to someone who you have such strong feelings for but I need you to, please Clay.” George peered around the corner to see Clay lean forward and put his head on Sapnap’s shoulder, Nick putting his hand and running his fingers through Clay’s blonde hair. </p><p> </p><p>“I just want to forget all of this, all of my feelings. I want to forget everything Sapnap, I want to get rid of my feelings just so that we can be friends without my stupid feelings getting in the way. I just want to suppress it, I don’t want to like him dude. I don’t want a relationship, I don’t want him, hell this trip just made everything so much worse.” Clay trailed off, George could hear him start speaking again but he couldn’t bother to listen. He was being a burden to Clay, he was annoying, he was just a problem in that house. </p><p> </p><p>George made his way back to the guest room as quietly he could, as soon as he shut the door he made it to his bed before collapsing onto it. George didn’t even realize it but warm tears made their way down his face. They blurred his vision, the parts of his bed that were visible from the moonlight was blurry. George did his best to muffle his sobs, covering his mouth with both hands while holding his breath. His hands had become soaked as time passed, his salty tears leaving dried streaks down his face. George brought his knees up to his chest and lowered his head down into his arms, letting out a few cries before holding his breath. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t long before he heard light footsteps come down the hall, George recognized that it was both Sapnap and Clay walking. The steps faded, then only one pair came closer to the room. George didn’t care about who came into the room, if it was Clay he would just say that he was on his phone and he saw something sad. George kept his face buried into his arms while he heard the slight creak of the door opening and closing, then a quiet whisper coming from whoever entered the room.</p><p> </p><p>“George?” </p><p> </p><p>The brunette didn’t answer, he just brought his head up to peer up at the other dark-haired male. They both connected eyes and Sapnap’s softened when he saw the pure despair the other was in. </p><p> </p><p>“You heard didn’t you,” He spoke softly.</p><p> </p><p>Yet again, George just nodded his head, letting another cry go as he lowered his head back down. Sapnap didn’t say anything, George just felt the bed dip down and warm arms wrap around the smaller male. It took George no time before he opened up and embraced the other, crying into his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it? We can go to my room so Clay doesn’t hear.” Sapnap whispered in George’s ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yes, please.” George hiccuped. </p><p> </p><p>Sapnap first stood up then reached a hand out to help George up, then both walked out of George’s room and down the stairs to Sapnap’s room. George sat on Sapnap’s bed while the other went to his bag and picked out a hoodie to give to George in an effort to add extra comfort to him. George whispered a small “Thanks” before putting the oversized hoodie on. </p><p> </p><p>“So what all did you hear?” The darker blonde asked while sitting down across from George, ready to comfort him the best he can.</p><p> </p><p>“I heard that Clay doesn’t want to have feelings for me, that this trip made it worse, that <em> I </em>made it worse.” George sniffed, tears welling up in his eyes yet again.</p><p> </p><p>“George this isn’t your fault. Plus, you didn’t hear everything.” Sapnap put his hand on George’s.</p><p> </p><p>“But he said that he wished I didn’t come.” George choked out.</p><p> </p><p>“That was him speaking in the moment, you didn’t hear what we said after. I told him that he doesn’t actually mean that and he agreed, he also agreed that he’s down really bad for you.”</p><p> </p><p>George sniffed, thinking about the things Sapnap had just said. Neither said anything for a while, they just sat there while George thought about everything and Sapnap comforting him. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to talk about your feelings?” The other asked after about five minutes of silence.</p><p> </p><p>George hesitated, but he finally opened up. There were a lot of parts George didn’t know how to say because he can’t articulate his feelings, but he still got his points across. Both George and Sapnap sat there until two in the morning, George finally giving in and talking and Sapnap being patient and supporting. George had cried and the other comforted him, Sapnap helped him express his feelings, and overall he just helped George understand everything he was feeling. It wasn’t long before George had grown tired from crying so he decided to go to bed. He said his thank yous to Sapnap and left to go back to his room. </p><p> </p><p>George made it to the top of the stairs before bumping into something, causing him to step back and jump. He looked up and made eye contact with Clay who looked frantic, George’s confused expression quickly turned soft as he saw the anxiety in Clay’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“C-Clay?” George whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“George! I thought you left or something!” Clay loudly whispered, he lowered his shoulders slightly while talking to George.</p><p> </p><p>“Why would I leave? I don’t really have anywhere to go.” George shrugged before looking back up at the blonde.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yeah you’re right on that.” George could easily tell that Clay was still tense.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, how did you know I wasn’t in my room?” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I went in there cause I wanted to talk to you but you weren’t in there. Where were you?” Clay breathily laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“I was talking to Sapnap, it wasn’t much though,” George whispered before yawning.</p><p> </p><p>“O-Oh you should go to bed, you’re tired.” Clay looked down at the brunette.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I should, goodnight Clay,” George whispered while walking past the taller man.</p><p> </p><p>“G-Goodnight?” </p><p> </p><p>Before George got back to his room Clay walked up to him and grabbed his wrist, whispering a quiet “wait’ before George asked any questions. Clay gave a small tugged on George’s arm, causing him to come closer to Clay. The blonde stepped forward and wrapped his arms around George, sinking into the brunette. George hesitated, clearly not expecting the embrace, but he finally wrapped his arms around Clay and pushed his face into Clay’s chest. They stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s arms. </p><p> </p><p>After they pulled apart George went into his room, he waited until he heard Clay’s footsteps disappear into the other room before crying once more. This time he was silently crying, no sniffing, no loud sobs, nothing. Just George sitting on the cold floor crying. After a while he stood up and walked over to his bed, climbing underneath the comforter and placing his head on the pillow. He brought his hand up to his face to wipe his tears before easily drifting off to sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. I'm Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is back to Clay's perspective. This chapter also has heavy descriptions of drinking and using drugs, stay safe&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>The words rang through Clay’s ears, over and over. They were teasing him, rubbing it in his face that the one person who he had true feelings for. Neither spoke for the next five-minute car ride, George just gazed out the window while Clay did his best to keep his tears hidden and focus on the road. </p><p> </p><p>Once they arrived at Clay’s house the blonde pulled into his driveway and put the car in park, not turning it off. He took the house key off his keychain and put it in George’s hand, then reaching for his wallet and pulling out thirty dollars and handing it to him as well.</p><p> </p><p>“What is this-” </p><p> </p><p>“House key, top lock turns to the right and the bottom goes to the left, money for something to be delivered for you.” Clay cut George off, explaining everything. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, for me? What about you? Are you not coming in too?” George looked up to the man who had tears streaming down his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes George, please get out of the car.” Clay whispered, his voice cracked in the middle of speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay? Why are you crying?” </p><p> </p><p>“Please George, just go inside.” Clay whispered at a barely audible level.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay-”</p><p> </p><p>“George! Just- fuck, I’m sorry, go inside please.” Clay yelled, then stopping and then whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing else was said, George got out of the car and went inside. Clay made sure to stay in the driveway and watch George until he was inside, that’s when he put his car in reverse and pulled out. He started to speed down the road, ignoring every call that came through on his phone. He quickly navigated his way to the nearest bar and pulled into the parking lot. </p><p> </p><p>There were girls that were so plastered they could barely walk without laughing, there were people lined up outside of the bar waiting for others to leave along with getting ID’d so they could enter. Clay had been a daily at the bar for so long he became close friends with the owner, meaning he could easily skip the line. Clay grabbed his phone, keys, and his wallet before standing up out of the car and closing the door and turning around.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! The Dream is back!” The guard yelled out when he saw Clay stand up from his car. Clay jogged up to the guard.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up Awesamdude? It’s been a second since I’ve seen you.” Clay laughed.</p><p> </p><p>"God, I hate that" Sam laughed.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, you called me Dream so I had to get back at you. How are you doing?" Sam scoffed as Clay laughed some more.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m doin’ good, just waiting for these people to give me their ID’s” Sam spoke loud enough to hear over the music.</p><p> </p><p>“Is the owner here?” Clay asked back.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I think he’s here, you might have to go to the back.” Sam reached over and took the ID’s from the two girls at the front of the line. </p><p> </p><p>“Well then I’m gonna go in, I’ll see you later dude!” Clay smiled then walked in, hearing the groans and complaints of the people who were standing in the line. </p><p> </p><p>Clay slowly walked through the crowd, the smell of sweaty people and overpriced alcohol filled his nose. It brought back a nostalgic feeling from not being in it for so long. Clay quickly made his way to the bar, trying to see who was working that day. He finally made it up there and peered over the bar, looking for any familiar faces.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! The Dream!” An excited voice yelled over the music.</p><p> </p><p>“Niki! Hey!” Clay’s eyes widened as he saw his old friend.</p><p> </p><p>“Where have you been? The bar has been filled with boring people since you’ve disappeared.” They both laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’ve been busy with work and such. I’ve missed this place. Oh, can I get a shot please?” Clay spoke confidently. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course, special for the new boy in town.” Niki giggled as she put the shot glass on the wood and filled it with the clear liquid. Clay whispered a soft “Thank you” before picking the glass up and lifting it to his mouth. He tilted it back and swallowed with no issue at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Still got it I see?” Clay shook his head and laughed at the little remark from Niki.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Niki? Is the boss here?” Clay looked around in hopes of seeing him before he had to walk through the busy back.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I think he’s in the back though. You might want to check there first.” Niki spoke before helping another person at the bar.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, it was nice seeing you Niki!” Clay spoke before standing up from the barstool and started to walk to the door to the back. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait! Come here sir!” Niki yelled while rushing towards him after serving the drink she had just made.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Clay huffed out some air as Niki clashed with him, embracing the blonde in a tight hug. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay. I’ll see you later Niki.” Clay said before turning and walking through the large black doors.</p><p> </p><p>They opened into a large, brighter room with large appliances and plenty of people rushing around and yelling. Clay paid no mind to the chaos, waving when someone called his name, but he made his way to the back fairly quickly. He pushed through some lighter doors into a room with a couch and a coat hanger with a door across from the one he had just come out of. Clay walked forward and knocked on the door, trying to listen for any sign that he could come in. </p><p> </p><p>The door swung open and there was a shorter male with short curly hair and a multi-color suit on. He had a book in hand and a glass in the other. It took a moment for the other to look up and see who was at the door, but when he did his face perked up.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay! It’s nice to see you again.” The brown-haired male wrapped an arm around Clay’s side then walked back into his room.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Karl, it’s been a minute hasn’t it?” Clay laughed.</p><p>
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</p><p>Both talked for hours, catching up with the business and just life in general. Both ordering drinks and drinking while laughing at the stories they were telling. Drink after drink they kept laughing and having an amazing time. Each time Clay’s phone would ring he would ignore it, he was having fun and forgetting everything. Karl had stopped drinking a few shots in, he was still buzzed but not as bad as Clay was. Clay had had multiple drinks along with shots, he was barely able to sit still while talking to Karl. </p><p> </p><p>Both Karl and Clay were in a laughing fit when the office phone rang, Karl picked it up immediately. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay it’s for you,” Karl spoke as he handed the phone over to the completely hammered Clay.</p><p> </p><p>“H-Hello?” Clay stammered.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay, I can’t believe you’re at the bar. I’m telling George you’re there and he’s going to come and get you.” Sapnap spoke loudly on the other end.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t need George, he doesn’t even like me back so what’s the point,” Clay spoke before hanging the phone up. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, does Alex still work in the building behind here?” Clay mumbled and slurred his words together. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, go have fun dreamy boy.” Karl swatted the air, signaling for Clay to leave.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye Karl, I’ll see you soon.” Clay waved before exciting back out of the kitchen then moving his way to the back of the building. He took out his phone and called Alex.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay? What do you need?” Alex frantically spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Come out to the back of the building, bring your bag” Clay spoke quickly before hanging up. </p><p> </p><p>He turned around and stumbled over to the bar, calling for Niki to come over. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s up Clay?” Niki asked quickly. </p><p> </p><p>“Can I just have a glass of Jack please?” Clay slurred again.</p><p> </p><p>Niki didn’t ask, she just got out a short circular glass then poured the brown-ish liquid into it and handed it to Clay. </p><p> </p><p>“T-Thank you” Clay stumbled again, quickly making his way back out to the other door. </p><p> </p><p>By the time Clay got back outside Alex was already standing out there, his arms were crossed and he was leaning up against the back of the building. As soon as they made eye contact Alex knew what was going on. They used to do this all the time, they would meet behind the bar and they would have just a little bit of fun. </p><p> </p><p>This time Alex had a larger variety of things they could take, which only made everything that much more fun. Clay stumbled his way to the same wall Alex was leaned against, then slowly slide down the cinderblock wall until he hit the floor. Alex did the same, but as soon as he hit the ground he was rummaging through his bag trying to find something.</p><p> </p><p>“What all do you have?” Clay asked before taking a sip of his alcohol.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I know I have coke and weed, not sure about the others.” </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s just do those then,” Clay grinned as he looked up at the sky.</p><p> </p><p>Alex pulled out a board from his bag along with a small bag that looked like it was filled with flour. Clay pulled out his wallet and picked out one of his old gift cards and handed it to Alex. The shorter man took the card and took some of the powder out of the bag, placing it on the board, then sectioning it out into four little lines. Alex handed the board over to Clay, the blonde taking it and placing it on his lap. Alex handed him a straw which he gladly took, positioning it so that it was perfect, then quickly inhaling as he moved the straw across the thin lines. He inhaled two, then sniffed his nose to make sure he had inhaled it. </p><p> </p><p>Clay took another drink of his Jack before laying his head back against the block wall. Alex was rummaging around again to grab the blunt he had already rolled. He found it then lit it, taking a long hit from it before exhaling and taking another. Clay still had the board on his lap, he had about a shot left of Jack, and he was exhaling the smoke from his hit. He had started to bend back over to do another line of coke when the door opened with two people, one was Karl and the other was George. Clay’s head shot up when he heard the door open, and when he saw George his whole body froze.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay?”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Caught with Little Lines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, there is mentions of drugs and vomit. I don't go into detail about either.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Clay giggled under his breath, he knew he was caught. He pressed his back against the bricks, a large grin on his face. He heard George stammer then Karl speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Alex? What did you give him?” Karl frantically spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“So far he’s done two lines but that’s all.” Alex tried to take the board from Clay, but he didn’t have a chance of getting it away from him.</p><p> </p><p>“Clay give the board to Alex, you’re done.” Karl started walking towards Clay but stopped. </p><p> </p><p>Clay bent over and inhaled more of the chalky powder, smiling as he heard the others scramble to stop him. He pressed his back against the bricks again, hard enough where it could draw blood if he really wanted to. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay what are you doing?! Stop!” Karl took the board from him while the blonde laughed. Clay mumbled under his breath, the only person to hear him was Alex.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Alex turned after wiping the board down, the blunt hanging out of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“I like coke,” Clay whispered, no one else said anything.</p><p> </p><p>“But only if you’re mixing it with Jack,” Clay brought the glass to his lips and swallowed the rest. </p><p> </p><p>“Where’s the dope,” Clay whispered to Alex, the other just shaking his head. He took the blunt out of his mouth and held it, thinking of what he was doing. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay this isn’t you! Why are you doing it?” Karl looked back at George who hadn’t said a word since they arrived.</p><p> </p><p>“I got too many problems, hand me the smoke.” He said while he peered over to Alex, he looked at George before snatching the blunt from Alex’s hands. He brought the rolled drug to his lips and inhaled deeply, exhaling smoke as Alex took it back and put it out. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay, you’re done. Get up, I’m escorting you both out.” Karl reached over and pulled Clay with help from Alex who was only slightly dazed. </p><p> </p><p>They each took one of Clay’s arms and helped walk him through the crowd, George trailing behind with his hand on Clay’s elbow. Karl stopped to talk to Niki, letting her know he would be out for the rest of the night. Sam helped keep the people away from the four walking out, Karl also let Sam know he wasn’t returning. They made their way to Clay’s car, Karl helping put Clay in the back while George got in the back to help keep him in the seat. Karl sat in the driver’s seat while Alex sat passenger. They easily pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive to Clay’s house, the only sounds were the road passing underneath them, the new rain that had just started, and the faint sounds of music playing over the radio. They weren’t far from Clay’s house when George cleared his throat, shifting in his seat, then finally speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“C-Clay, why?” George’s voice broke, obvious he was crying. It didn’t take Clay long to respond, he looked George in the eyes with a soft gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Clay whispered as soon as they pulled into the driveway. </p><p> </p><p>“But you don’t love me, so this is how I cope,” Clay whispered again before opening his door and stepping out into the rain. </p><p> </p><p>Clay stood out in the rain for a minute, letting the cool drops of water fall on his face. He had his eyes closed and his arms out, and he felt okay. Clay didn’t feel any of the effects from earlier, he didn’t even feel heartbroken, he felt at peace. His moment crumbled when he felt Karl and Alex grab onto his arms and pull him out of the rain, he heard George shut his door and start walking behind them. It didn’t take long before the droplets of water stopped hitting Clay’s skin and he was then sitting on his couch. </p><p> </p><p>“Shit, I’m s-soaked.” </p><p> </p><p>“Then don’t stand out in the pouring rain dipshit.” Alex spoke, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him up once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you guys going?” Karl looked up after putting his things down.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to help him get in bed, we’re not going to get anything out of him while he’s this fucked.” Alex started pulling Clay up the stairs, George following.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you going?” Karl looked at George.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m changing too, my room is up here.” George stumbled, clearly embarrassed and upset.</p><p> </p><p>No one else spoke, even Clay kept his mouth shut. They finally got upstairs and Alex picked out clothes for Clay to change into, then handed them to him and left. Clay took his time getting dressed, he was only acting more messed up than he actually was. Clay could still hear everything that they were saying, yet they didn’t know. He did his best to hold his tears back, but that didn’t last long as after he pulled his clean shirt over his head he felt his face become wet again. </p><p> </p><p>Clay didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to feel like this, he just did. He wanted to forget his feelings for George, yet he wanted to be with the shorter male so badly. He couldn’t even deny it at this point, he already told George about his feelings so there was no going back. Clay changed into the dark sweatpants Alex had pulled out and tossed his discarded clothes into his hamper. Clay ran his fingers through his hair as he closed his eyes, letting more salty tears leaving streaks down his face. </p><p> </p><p>Clay made his way to his bed, looking down at it knowing it would feel empty and cold like it had almost every night. He was used to it by now, but his heart ached for someone to be laying there with him, and that someone was George. It would be George a hundred times over, always the first pick of who he wanted to sleep next to.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde climbed onto his bed and sat at the top, his back pressed against his bedframe like he had done at the bar just an hour prior. He brought his hands up to his eyes and pressed on them, trying to stop his tears from forming but nothing stopped them. Clay removed his hands and put them over his mouth, muffling a few sobs he had let go of. </p><p> </p><p>There he was, pushed up against his bed with his hands covering his mouth to hide his sobs. There were so many tears Clay couldn’t see clearly, no matter how much he wiped his eyes the tears would just come back. His whole body was trembling, his hands shaking whenever he would remove them from his mouth. The whole room became cold and Clay’s body heated up, there was a warmth building in his throat as his mouth started watering. Clay has had this feeling before, and he knew what was coming. He quickly picked himself up and rushed to the bathroom, curling over the toilet as everything he had ingested that day came back up. All of the alcohol burned his throat for a second time as he coughed into the toilet. </p><p> </p><p>After Clay was sure he was done he closed the lid and flushed the contents, curling up against the wall and digging his face into his knees. He choked out a sob before putting his arms on the floor to push himself up. As Clay stood up and wiped his eyes, stumbling over to the mirror and peering up. He looked terrible, his hair was all over the place, his face was drooping, and his eyes were bloodshot. Clay looked like he was just broken up with, which he felt like he was. </p><p> </p><p>Clay turned and left the bathroom, only to be met with a figure sitting on his bed. The blonde had to squint his eyes just to see the figure, but once he got to the person he realized who it was. There the brown-haired boy Clay had fallen so deeply for sat at the edge of the bed, only looking up when Clay was right in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>“George?” Clay mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>“W-Why did you do it?” </p><p> </p><p>“I- George.” Clay could hear the break in the brunette’s voice, he was obviously hurt. </p><p> </p><p>Clay wasn’t even thinking, he heard the pain in George’s voice and knew he needed to comfort him. There was silence as Clay sat down next to George and wrapped his arms around the smallers torso. It didn’t take long before Clay felt arms wrap around his shoulders and George’s face dig into the crook in his neck. The blonde felt horrible, he knew George was hurting because of him. His neck was warm from George’s breaths and it was wet from his tears, small sniffles came from the brunette.</p><p> </p><p>Clay soon heard George’s sniffles soften and his body untense. Clay moved slightly to look at George, who had fallen asleep in his arms. There was a moment where the blonde didn’t know what to do. George was asleep in his arms and he didn’t know if he should wake him or not. Clay decided against waking him, slowly moving so that he could pick George up and move him to the left side of the bed. The blonde was silent, slowly moving George around where he was underneath the comforter. The only noise in the room was George’s quiet snores and the faint creaks of the floorboards. Clay admired the boy, gazing at him while the moonlight glistened and lit his features perfectly. </p><p> </p><p>Soon enough Clay had gotten tired and slowly climbed underneath the comforter, making sure not to wake George. Clay watched to make sure George didn’t wake up, which he did. The brunette sat up slightly and wiped his eyes, looking around when he saw Clay looking at him. Neither said a word, George just moved closer to Clay and pressed against his chest. The blonde wrapped his arms around George and rested his head on top of his unkempt hair, quickly falling asleep as well.</p><p>
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</p><p>Sapnap had called to check in with everyone, make sure they were all okay. It had been about thirty minutes since both Clay and George had fallen asleep and Sapnap had gotten worried. Karl and Alex were still over, all three were trying their best to not nod off into sleep. The dark blonde had suggested they go and check on Clay and make sure he was doing okay after everything that had happened. All three made their way up to his room and slowly opened the door, trying their best not to trip on anything considering it was about 4 am. Karl was the first to walk over to the bed and peer at the boys sleeping, still snuggled together. </p><p> </p><p>“Guys,” Karl whispered as he looked back at the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Is he okay?” Sapnap texted, Alex opened the door a little more. He walked over to Karl and looked at the two.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck. How did he forgive him already?” Alex scoffed, obviously annoyed.</p><p> </p><p>“He might know something we don’t Alex, we can talk to them tomorrow. I’m going to bed, I’m exhausted from tonight. Fuck.” Sapnap texted, Alex turned and walked out. Karl following not far behind.</p><p> </p><p>The two walked out and went back downstairs, doing their best not to fall down the stairs. Once Sapnap knew they were farther away he started talking again.<br/><br/></p><p>“Wait, where are me and Alex going to sleep tonight?” Karl spoke, looking over to Alex.</p><p> </p><p>“My bed is a king, you could probably fit on there if you guys would want.” Sapnap offered.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them declined, so he started to direct them down the hall and to his room. It didn’t take long for the other two to get there and look around, learning their surroundings before climbing into the bed together. They quickly said goodnight to Sapnap and hung up, looking at each other and laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“This is so stupid, oh my god.” Alex laughed, Karl just smiled. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but it’s okay, I don’t mind laying here with you.” Karl giggled as he turned away from Alex with a red face. </p><p> </p><p>Neither said anything more, Alex quickly went silent. Karl only moved when he heard the soft breathing of the other male. Maybe it was because he was so tired he was thinking irrationally, or maybe it was because he had been suppressing these feelings for so long, but he made the decision of turning over and facing Alex. Karl exhaled, he just gazed at Alex, watching his chest rise and fall. The moonlight shined over the bed, making it easy to see both boys in the bed. Karl took a deep breath and started to move closer to Alex, making sure not to wake him. Karl got close enough to Alex where he could put his head on the other’s chest. Karl hesitated, before letting himself come close to Alex. </p><p> </p><p>“I hope you know I wasn’t asleep,” Alex spoke as he brought his arm around Karl’s shoulder, startling him. Karl just giggling before slipping into a comfortable sleep. Alex moved his head to rest on top of Karls with a smile before drifting off as well.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There is only one to two more chapters after this then I'll be moving onto the next part of this series! If you haven't, make sure to check out the youtube playlist (it has all of the songs that each part will be based off of) </p><p>here's the link again :]<br/>https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIII0q2tT_SFm_n_gJgzKUx7ZuoGIh-Uy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>there is slight mentions of blood, drugs, alcohol, and stuff like so. There isn't much detail with any, mainly just mentions of the night before. Stay safe&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>When Clay woke up he was just as confused as George was, who woke up minutes after. They were both tangled together with Patches laying right behind George. They looked at each other for a second, both going red as they realized how they were laying.</p><p> </p><p>“O-Oh, good morning,” George whispered, Clay giggled at his awkwardness.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning Georgie,” Clay spoke as he got out of bed.</p><p> </p><p>“How did I end up h-here?” George sat up as well, sitting at the edge of the bed. </p><p> </p><p>“You fell asleep in here so I laid you down instead of waking you up,” George’s breath hitched as Clay removed his shirt, giggling to himself. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take the blonde long to walk over to his closet and pull out a larger shirt. He quickly pulled it over his head and adjusted it so it fitted comfortably.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I have a hoodie?” George whispered, half hoping Clay didn’t hear it.</p><p> </p><p>“Here Georgie, my very own,” Clay laughed at himself while throwing the oversized hoodie at the brunette.</p><p> </p><p>Clay wasn’t going to lie to himself, he felt good about waking up next to George. Even with his head pounding and his body ached he felt safe waking up with George in his arms. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Clay-” George walked over and sat in front of Clay, wiping his upper lip.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Clay looked up at George, who was looking at the blonde like he had never been in this situation before.</p><p> </p><p>“Your nose is bleeding,” George giggled when he saw Clay’s eyes widen and start rushing towards the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shut up,” Clay spoke before turning the lights on in the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Once he did he regretted it immediately, the luminescent lights causing his headache to worsen. Clay struggled to look in the mirror, but once he saw himself his breath hitched slightly. From what Clay could see, his hair was sticking out in places he’s never seen it go, there were deep bags set under his bloodshot eyes, his lips were incredibly chapped, and his whole face went pale. The only color on his face was the combination of red and green in his eyes and the darker crimson coming from the blonde’s nose. Clay reached over and bundled up some toilet paper, holding it against his nose to try and stop the bleeding. </p><p>
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</p><p>Clay had been in the bathroom for five minutes, holding his nose, when he remembered he had something underneath his sink. The blonde slowly moved to the floor in front of his sink. He had opened the small door underneath and started searching through his things, not taking long before he found a small damaged box. Clay pulled one of the long, wrapped objects out and closed the door. </p><p> </p><p>Clay unwrapped the object to uncover some plastic, he snapped the bottom and pushed it through to reveal a smaller portion of cotton. The blonde removed the toilet paper from his nose and replaced it with the cotton, throwing the remains of anything away and turning the light off. He had walked out to George still sitting on his bed, now just on his phone. George looked up, back down, paused, then looked back up at Clay before bursting into laughter.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on,” Clay scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Is there-” George was cut off by his own laughter.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, George, there is a tampon in my nose,” Clay rolled his eyes as George started laughing harder when he had admitted it.</p><p> </p><p>“What? I have leftovers from my ex and I just kept them in case my sister or someone needed them. I don’t know!” Clay was laughing at himself at this point.</p><p>
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</p><p>It had taken both of them a bit to calm down from Clay’s situation, but once they did the blonde decided he should check his nose once again. He walked back into the bathroom, checking his nose before disposing of the tampon and cleaning up his appearance slightly. He made sure to get all remains of blood off of his lip and his teeth, he had tied his hair back, put some eye drops in his eyes, and took some painkillers for his headache.</p><p> </p><p>Clay had walked out of the bathroom to see George, standing in front of his dresser gazing down at his phone, without a shirt on. George had his previous shirt in one hand and his hoodie in the other, he had paused before tossing his shirt onto the bed. Clay saw this as a perfect opportunity to scare the brunette. He quietly started to sneak up behind the other, only making a noise when he snaked his arms around the smallers torso while whispering the others name low and quiet. </p><p> </p><p>“Clay! Oh my, you scared me so bad!” George laughed while turning around in the other’s arms.</p><p> </p><p>“That was the whole goal, Georgie,” Clay whispered, sending chills down George’s back.</p><p> </p><p>“S-Stop,” George smiled while looking at Clay.</p><p> </p><p>“And what if I don’t?” Clay leaned in closer, looking down at George’s lips then back up at his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’ll just have to,” George trailed off before collapsing to the ground with his hoodie and crawling away from Clay.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on!” Clay laughed as he turned around, chasing the brunette across the floor. </p><p> </p><p>While George was running from Clay the door slightly creaked open, just wide enough for two people to see through along with a phone. It was Karl and Alex, along with Sapnap on the phone. It took everything Karl had in himself to not laugh while watching the other two, Sapnap and Alex on the other hand were upset not only with Clay but with George. </p><p> </p><p>It was just hours prior that Clay left George at his house, then dragging the drugged and drunk Clay through the bar and driving him home, putting him in his bed, only for George to forgive him within a matter of minutes and fall asleep tangled in Clay. </p><p> </p><p>Alex was beyond angry, yeah he might’ve given Clay the drugs but he also wasn’t Clay’s mother. He wasn’t going to make every decision for Clay, he would cut him off when he was high enough, but if Clay wanted to snort some coke and hit a blunt Alex wouldn’t give a shit. Sapnap on the other hand was upset, of course, but he understood why. He knew what Clay was going through and that he has a horrible coping mechanism, but he was still hurt because Clay had promised to at least try and stay clean. </p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes of the three watching Clay chase George around the floor, Alex had walked off, causing Karl to quietly close the door and follow soon after. Clay and George continued to run around while Karl, Alex, and Sapnap talked downstairs. All patiently waiting for the two to come downstairs so they all could talk.</p><p>
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</p><p>Clay didn’t even know how he ended up at this house party. He just pulled into the driveway and just walked inside, no one seemed to mind anyway. The blonde wiped the tears from his eyes as he poured some liquor into a red solo cup, quickly downing it and pouring another. Clay wanted to forget, so he was going to do the one thing he knew how to. Party.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WOOOO END OF PART 1 LETS GOOOOO!! But seriously thank you for the support on this story, I will be writing part of the first chapter of "Habits" tonight and it will either be posted tonight or tomorrow! also, Clay is going to get so much worse than what he has been, but hey now you get karlnaptiy now as well :] prepare for some major angst with the next part &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This fic is based off of the song "Problems" by DeathbyRomy, go check the song out if you haven't heard it. I recommend the slowed version just because the original feels too fast for this fic and slowed songs are just elite, okay? I try and update as often as possible but I am a student who needs sleep half the time so some updates may come at unreasonable hours or even days apart.</p><p>If any ccs are uncomfortable with this being written or being included in the fic I will remove them/the fic</p></blockquote></div></div>
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